tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post5025671710672662585..comments2024-03-28T11:19:25.795+01:00Comments on - Memoires of a Heroinhead -: The Post-Junk DawnMemoirs of a Heroinheadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-40458674899251919562014-12-15T23:30:53.851+01:002014-12-15T23:30:53.851+01:00Hey Michael, a journal is exactly what this writiu...Hey Michael, a journal is exactly what this writiung isn't and was never meant to be and will never be. For me all the stuff you say woukld make the writing interesting, for me would make it ultra boring and bring it down to nothing but the logistics of smack and mundane daily details... that's heroin porn,a dn though i've nothing against it O'd prefer never to write that and let everyone else do that. You can find that stuff everywhere and it gets really fucking boring after one or texts and it's always the same. Just look at the response i have here to my writing... i don't know any other writing around the smack and with such long posts which ges such a response... so I think I'd much rather have writing which transgresses the subject rather than very straightforward tales of junk life (most of whicha re all lies and myths anyway). But after having said all that, the new season of writing will be much more into the life of the addict and all teh tricks and scams and games, so the addict readers will probably enjoy those much more. Whedn I started the writing here heroin was just a theme that would run through each text, but there are also other themes, themes of consequence, history, nostalgia, social depravation, existence, poverty... and those themes are just as important and must be in my writiung too or I'd not feel it to have much depth or worth and then wopukldn't post it anyway. Heroin is basically boring. It's an addiction... a cycle... and cycles by their very nature are boring. I could write everything about heroin that's worth saying in one 7 page piece of writing.... tehn what? Repeat play? loop? cycle? same crap day in day out at the same time? That's really xhat ehroin addiction is and what writing pyurely of it would be too. XShane Levenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03863320007737754609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-65391370345360419682014-12-15T22:04:09.167+01:002014-12-15T22:04:09.167+01:00You write great. But like my other post I would lo...You write great. But like my other post I would love to see you go I to more detail. Make this writing personal like a journal. Be completely unique, be yourself. What kind of syringes do you use and what color hair did the girl at the rite aid store have? What brand tin foil is best? And do you flip it to the shiny or dI'll side to smoke the tar? Me and other readers would love to know how you support yourself financially. And what a day in the life of a addict is like. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08419333127483528424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-82822901458544194992013-10-17T23:14:13.839+02:002013-10-17T23:14:13.839+02:00Give me the gun and blow me away. Shane, you fucki...Give me the gun and blow me away. Shane, you fucking diamond.Dr Nukenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-14047483633230615062013-04-21T09:36:06.123+02:002013-04-21T09:36:06.123+02:00I haven't read someone with so much tallent in...I haven't read someone with so much tallent in a long time. Thank you, you're a real artist.addictionhttp://www.refindyourway.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-91698792134080736822013-02-06T19:14:04.922+01:002013-02-06T19:14:04.922+01:00Woah.. Ive so been There man. But Describing it is...Woah.. Ive so been There man. But Describing it is the hard part. you Nail down the exact feelings that are impossible for me to explain. thats why i like reading this stuff it validates and exposes what my narrow mind cant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-39539189727977915722013-01-23T18:12:24.560+01:002013-01-23T18:12:24.560+01:00Hiya Shane
Just wanted to drop a little line to s...Hiya Shane<br /><br />Just wanted to drop a little line to say I read the post a while back and should have commented then because it's one of my favorites, a truly beautiful and controlled bit of writing. My hat is off to you, sir. Anyway I hope you are well and that 2013 isn't treating you badly. Drop me a line when you get chance. You're in my thoughts as always, TTonyoneillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05633886026151461992noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-56869972898515147692013-01-19T13:15:51.113+01:002013-01-19T13:15:51.113+01:00Hey Shane,
Please let us know you're still al...Hey Shane,<br /><br />Please let us know you're still alive! Even if you just post one line saying 'Still here'.<br /><br />Just wee bit worried since no sign of you since around xmas (had visions of you getting really good gear (for a change) New Years eve and overdoing it. Anyway, hope you're ok and life isn't being the usual unrelenting bitch.<br /><br />take care<br />CalamityK xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-25692287964057658462013-01-18T04:07:13.804+01:002013-01-18T04:07:13.804+01:00London is freezing at the moment. There's neve...London is freezing at the moment. There's never any sunlight, just a 4 hour split where the air is grey instead of black for a change. I'm glad I waited to read this, it's so perfect. The cold, fleshy detachment and abject horror of early rattling muffled by the musty brown blanket of "everything is as it should be" after a dig. My days work like clockwork unless I can't get a vein and then the tears, blood, snot and total desperation just under the surface explode out of me. Somehow these feel like the only possible windows of opportunity to get clean. But the hit you get after a bloody, frantic search is always the best. C'est la vie.<br /><br />Hope you're good Shane, drop me an email when you feel like it. Be good to hear from you.<br /><br />SXxxSailor_On_Icenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-15439616227494404392013-01-05T23:03:19.859+01:002013-01-05T23:03:19.859+01:00I dreamt about you last night... and I fell out of...I dreamt about you last night... and I fell out of bed twice... Morrissey<br /><br />Didn't fall out of bed but had a weird dream that I was upstairs in a flat looking out of the window (above the doorway) and a guy with a cap on was coming in and realised it was you so called down and waved and it was instant recognition then Tippi (my kitten) woke me up when she licked my eyelids. <br /><br />Happy New Year Shane<br /><br />xoxoxoxox<br />KellyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-72566750604190737942012-12-29T15:26:22.049+01:002012-12-29T15:26:22.049+01:00That's nuts, just the difference between gun v...That's nuts, just the difference between gun violence there vs the US. Here, it would make news if it's in your city or specific area. Unless it's a mass shooting. But if it's just one shooting, it has to be whatever main town your news comes out of. Don't think it has Anything to do with gun control, it's mentality. There are more guns per capita in Canada than here. It's our culture. Also, don't think there are massive school or work shootings outside of the US (though could be wrong, the US thinks it's more important than anywhere, so we don't get real world news).. pretty sure a big part of that has to do with the "fame" thing/media culture we have.Eyelickhttp://eyelick25.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-42854891466998817972012-12-23T14:06:30.471+01:002012-12-23T14:06:30.471+01:00Hi Shane,
No worries. That is the curse of your b...Hi Shane,<br /><br />No worries. That is the curse of your being talented and likable. It's a wonder you have time to write with all the comments you have to try and respond to!<br /><br />I hope you have a nice Christmas anyway.<br /><br />I was gonna have the best one in a long time but that got shat on. I won a 3 month contract to design a big national campaign for a charity for Easter. I knew my mac wouldn't handle the job (it freezes and when I type the words appear 2 mins after, letter by letter!). <br />My plan was to hire a macbook pro but I was waiting to be paid for a job I did back in November. I was penniless without that and they had my invoice for over a month. So, in short, the new client knew this and expressed concern over my circumstances affecting their job, chickened out and went to an agency instead (who won't be hampered by finances).<br />I cried non-stop for 3 days after than despite my attempts to get on with other things. I pulled down all my (modest) xmas decos, threw them in a carrier bag and dumped them outside a church. I'm banning xmas this year.<br /><br />My pal Alex met up with me on Friday and the chat with him helped restore my faith a little. We've worked together over 10 years so he knows me very well.<br /><br />So this Christmas, instead of feeling like I was finally gonna get somewhere, now I'm facing the New Year shit scared and with less faith than ever. It does seem that our worth and place in life is measured by what's in our wallet sometimes. I hate that.<br /><br />Anyway, I hope your Christmas is much much better and your talents are bearing fruition.<br /><br />Take care<br />CalamityK<br />xoxoxoxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-54043705203941698572012-12-22T02:13:27.265+01:002012-12-22T02:13:27.265+01:00Hey Kelly, I got your mail... sorry, I've star...Hey Kelly, I got your mail... sorry, I've starred about 15 mails awaiting replies and yours is one and I've just not had time to get thru them. I'll do it over this weekend. My best mail addy is this one:<br /><br />myheroinhead@gmail.com<br /><br />There's no spal filter for anything and so your mail can never get accidentally filtered on that addy.<br /><br />XXX<br /><br /><br />Memoirs of a Heroinheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-67655006828626611612012-12-22T01:57:13.235+01:002012-12-22T01:57:13.235+01:00Hey Shane,
I tried to send you an email about a w...Hey Shane,<br /><br />I tried to send you an email about a week ago but it bounced back as undeliverable. Then I tried 2 other emails I had for you and the same happened. I don't mind if you'd rather not be emailed but I didn't want to clutter your comments page with stuff that's not entirely to do with your writing.<br /><br />So, on condition that you don't object to being emailed, please could you email me your email?<br /><br />hope christmas isn't treating you too badly. I'm not a fan of this time of year, you're supposed to take stock and be grateful of what you do have but the whole event is set up to do just the opposite. The poor feel poorer, the lonely feel lonelier etc.<br /><br />Hope all is well with you anyway.<br /><br />Lots of love<br />Calamity K<br />xoxoxoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-55214365442515206352012-12-21T01:39:44.010+01:002012-12-21T01:39:44.010+01:00Hi Shane,
As ever your writing is powerful, I was...Hi Shane,<br /><br />As ever your writing is powerful, I was with you every step of the way. It makes me feel normal when someone describes exactly how I've felt when I've had W.D's.<br /><br />My Boyfriend read your blog for the first time to-night and he was blown away by how good your writing is. I'd been telling him about your blog for ages and now he wants to sit down and read your whole blog.<br /><br />Have you ever tried to publish your work? I have read countless books on heroin use, but NONE are even half as good as yours!!! <br /><br />Have you ever thought about publishing an e-book? There are LOADS of self published authors on Amazon and Smashwords. There are quite a few e-books on Amazon about heroin addiction, but honestly none are as good as yours.<br /><br />You have such amazingly well written stories in this blog, you've already done the writing part, I'm sure it wouldn't be much hassle to self publish your work on an e-book. I'd be your first customer!!!<br /><br />Keep up the good writing Shane, you have such a wonderful talent.<br /><br />Take care,<br /><br />~Gill. :)<br /><br />PS. Shane, do you still live in France? Did the heroin drought that started in Nov 2010 effect France? Its over two years since that drought hit and things are still not back to normal in the UK & Ireland. Prices are high and quality is low. The quality of the gear has improved in the last few months, but its still not as good as it was before the drought. I'm sticking to my methadone most of the time now, but I really miss the proper gear..... :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-27563768882428606712012-12-17T19:05:30.441+01:002012-12-17T19:05:30.441+01:00Hey Chris... God you had me wondering what jests??...Hey Chris... God you had me wondering what jests???? After 6 hrs I suddenly clocked on, your referring to the post on my ex-work mate Chris, the guy with the sexless sheets. <br /><br />Yeah, when I first started writing it was very rough and raw and I'd open up the document and write like that and post within an hour. And people enjoyed it, it was grace to them early posts that the writing took off, but there was one comment from a man called Joe Mills over on another blog which made me start to look at the entire piece of writing and not just skip through to the great lines I'd thought I'd written. Until then I was kinda lind to all the crap inbetween, and from then began writing and looking at my writing in a whole new way - much more detached and much more critically. From that moment I think I was born as a real writer. I began writing properly from that moment on. I didn't want to be 'very poetical in places', I wanted to be very poetical entirely. I don't mean writing great lines every sentence because that's not what writing's about either, but I mean streamlining the prose and not writing so many weak sentences inbetween what was good. And it wasn't easy. It turns writing into a procedure where you question every word are constantly rephrasing, are never quite satisfied... but from that process the writing improved ten-fold, and then began attracting not just readers but writers and artists and people who wanted more out of such stuff. So, that's the history of that and how it first started. I think as well, when you first begin writing online you have yno readers and so its much easier to let weak writing pass when you don't think it'll be read. Once you start building up readership then you again look at what you're doing in a different light and paying more attention to things.<br /><br /><br />OK, Chris... thanks for touching base and hope i'll see you here more often in the future... Shane. XMemoirs of a Heroinheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-41769434049138297262012-12-17T12:06:30.383+01:002012-12-17T12:06:30.383+01:00Yea,my name is chris(topher),a know the little jes...Yea,my name is chris(topher),a know the little jests about us in the contexts of previous posts.After years of following your writing and the absolute honesty you purvey,with yourself, and not tolerate in others.You speak my mind and I love how your writing is just getting better & better,moving and emotional&describing the exact things ive been through,turning all the degradadation of life and its experiences(not just addiction)which of course is incidental but often consumes half your bloody life anyway,for me anyway,especially since my so called stablisation with my nurse RatchedI,an ps ive not had a drug worker who,s ever used,Al not blether on,I bore myself with such topics,a will leave it to your genious to empathise,ps,your really good stuff which is mostly all,i see as short films in my head but with deeper narrative that really moves me,keep up the progress and ps.love your new dog writings.You ever publish that long awaited novella(s)i,m first on your list mate,best wishes,for christmas an all that nonscence(not best time for the user)Chris.xlancsladnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-89301769330334319582012-12-13T04:33:28.076+01:002012-12-13T04:33:28.076+01:00Shane, awesome writng as usual! Keep on writing &a...Shane, awesome writng as usual! Keep on writing & we will keep on reading!<br />Blessings,<br />MaureenMaureenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17955053516402646272noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-83851496927961871312012-12-09T06:00:17.371+01:002012-12-09T06:00:17.371+01:00The reporter remained for a moment, then closed sh...<i>The reporter remained for a moment, then closed shut from both ends, and was gone.</i> Nice! I've actually never seen anyone capture that precise odd moment of modern life before. When I'd gotten to the end of this post, I had to go back and find that line to re-read it.Who Am Us Anyway?https://www.blogger.com/profile/08260586634760800759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-1976356428328251442012-12-09T01:05:39.260+01:002012-12-09T01:05:39.260+01:00hi shane and thank you! another beautiful post tha...hi shane and thank you! another beautiful post that was well worth the wait...i hope you are doing well. <br /><br />xxx<br />stacyStacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02731385456944016340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-34095379533717678382012-12-07T19:07:46.715+01:002012-12-07T19:07:46.715+01:00Hi Shane
I agree - bloody ridiculous, especially ...Hi Shane<br /><br />I agree - bloody ridiculous, especially as some of them are ex users themselves. They really should know better. Saying success is complete abstinence is settting everybody up to fail, which in turn deploys more guilt, which then gives one an excuse to use again... What pisses me off is the complete patronising manner in which they talk to us. My dr said to me the other week that most people dont grab the heroin whenever they feel sad or lonely. I pointed out to him that I have more degrees than he does with regards to mental health and that I am well aware that non addicted people dont reach for the heroin. They probably kick the dog, beat their wife, gamble, lean on the bible or some other such crutch. The only difference is that my crutch is illegal and that is what they cannot stand. It is a known fact that huge amounts of the medical community abuse morphine based drugs, but that is ok, cause its not dirty street heroin! Such hypocrites... Lots of love ur way. Looking forward to your next post hun xxxFeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09718624082018812014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-14389960549444090662012-12-05T01:34:44.902+01:002012-12-05T01:34:44.902+01:00Ps. Sorry that my post raped your comment wall - d...Ps. Sorry that my post raped your comment wall - didn't realize it was quite so long writing in this little box lol! :Oheroin eyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-42520690865625328302012-12-05T01:32:53.392+01:002012-12-05T01:32:53.392+01:00Shane - Thank you for the thought provoking reply!...Shane - Thank you for the thought provoking reply! I totally understand where your coming from in regards to the Rock & Roll bullshit image, the glamorization of recklessness and self destruction in that sense. I guess for me, I'm more referring to what I've seen throughout my various stages of addiction within myself - I HAVE been extremely reckless with various aspects of my life (not in the "wild & crazy" sense), but more so without ever meaning to be - with the relationships in my life, and toward those who have loved me - as my relationship with substance (whether it be alcohol, speed, heroin) has always overshadowed the relationships with people in my life. I'm terrible at foreseeing the consequences of my actions, and how I have, without ever meaning to, continually harmed those who I love, and who love me. So I guess I mean reckless not in nature, but in pursuit of what keeps me feeling "normal"... if that makes any sense at all? Don't get me wrong - alcohol and heroin have saved my life in many ways, and have nursed the otherwise unwavering day to day depression and anxiety that I've dealt with into a manageable, at times even non-existent concurrent disorder. I too use to LIVE, to accept life and at least feel as though I can walk through both the darkness and the light unscathed. I guess I use the word "self destructive" in a broader sense, in the sense that I've always found some sort of beautiful internal fulfillment through acts like self-harm or mutilation, substance abuse, impulsive/"risky" sex, starving myself - acts that truly do fulfill me and make me me feel both alive and numb; but acts that could at some point, with persistence and time, be the very destruction of me... or so I'm told ;). Perhaps my addiction has manifested itself in other ways, ways that I've labeled "self destructive" up until now, but upon further introspection, are perhaps just outlets that I've used to numb the sensitivity that I experience toward the world; outlets that have allowed me to experience life, in my own way, to the fullest - so perhaps not really self destructive at all. Very good point, my friend. Heroin allows me to feel alive without having to feel the internal emptiness and hopelessness that I do with sobriety, or even that I felt throughout my alcoholism for that matter - I would never use to try and kill myself; as you said, there are far easier and faster ways. I use to experience life pain-free, to ACTUALLY live, as living sober for me (in the few months here and there that I've managed) has been far more painful and dark than the years that I've spent living in active addiction. <br />I'm off the bottle after a decade of being a "non-functional" alcoholic, as I was recently hospitalized with acute liver and kidney failure and was told I would most likely die if I continued drinking. Of course, I'm still somewhat young, so another few decades of living sober scared the fuck outtah me - I thus turned my weekend heroin habit into a full time relationship, and it's a much more peaceful, surreal sort of existence - so perhaps my talk of self destruction and recklessness comes from a decade of being a horrible alchy... I'm still somewhat of a newbie to junk, and so have nothing close to the experience that you do Shane. All I really know is that, so far, heroin has been a lifesaver for me, and allows me to live peacefully. :)<br /><br />Love & well wishes from Toronto,<br /><br />B heroin eyesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-45995968969575612572012-12-04T17:32:21.735+01:002012-12-04T17:32:21.735+01:00Hey Ya Kelly.. yeah I get ya about junk being bori...Hey Ya Kelly.. yeah I get ya about junk being boring... I try never to write explicitly about it, not in the exploitative way most do. The interesting thing about addiction is the life thatit weaves through, all those things on either bank... the underworld it descends into. The life is interesting and junk is just a door into the underbelly of a certain life.<br /><br />The nurse wasn't in contempt of kindness... it's what that kindness signified: it gave up the game that I wasn't ill. There's not "go before me" when you're dying. So the nurse understood then that I wasn't my 24hrs clean and they despise you for that, for finding a way around their unnecessary demands. X<br />Memoirs of a Heroinheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-29379538105882005822012-12-04T17:22:38.623+01:002012-12-04T17:22:38.623+01:00Anonymous...
I'm sure many an addict would d...Anonymous... <br /><br />I'm sure many an addict would die for that plain vanilla life you talk about... in a way they use heroin to try and have such calm waters. I used to sit in a car with a work colleague and almost fall asleep to his tales of plain life and living... the evenings in and the kids coming around and the dinner on and bed at 10. On the weekends they'd go shopping and watch a film and on sundays buy a heap of papers and sit in the bar going over the sport and news as the evening slowly came in and the place darkened and lightened up. Vanilla's not bad... there's deadly undercurrents to a dirty life. XMemoirs of a Heroinheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9193316819499446317.post-32644409978178908142012-12-04T17:17:47.362+01:002012-12-04T17:17:47.362+01:00Hey Fee... oh, well a 20 bag and 45ml is nothing.....Hey Fee... oh, well a 20 bag and 45ml is nothing... the drug clinics really need an overhaul and rethink of what success is in their business. Their very quick to fiddle the figures sp as non-successes (deaths, imprisonments) boosts their figures but they could actually have higher public success just telling the truth and marking out different boundaries of success. For example many junkies don't go to rehab to get clean but to get their habit down to a manageable, affordable level. If they concentrated on these more stabilizing forms of drug treatment, finding a comfortable middle ground until the addict was ready to quit there'd be a thousandfold more the social benefit than holding out for the impossibility of complete abstinence... for a lifetime! God, in a way it shows how little even drug agencies and support groups understand about the people and lifestyles they're trying to support. XMemoirs of a Heroinheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17401281805284793756noreply@blogger.com