Bad Teeth & Cleverness

The hassle of having to score in the suburbs is over. I met Sylvain this afternoon and he informed me that D was holding. That’s good news as D is only five minutes from me and he will usually come to the appartment. Sylvain is one of these junkies that is always cursing heroin and constantly talking of rehabilitation. Apart from detox and the size of bags he has no view on anything else. He is of the type that will sit on the fence until they keel over and fall to one side or the other. They let death choose their life, whereas I let life choose my death.

I first met Sylvain nearly 3 years ago at The Hôtel Dieu – the city’s main substitution unit. He was quite handsome then, but he has changed drastically since. Now He is sallow & withdrawn. His clothes are filthy and torn and he has absesses all over his hands. His mouth looks like a clenched anus that is trying to suck all his features in. At one point during our brief conversation he tipped his head back and bellowed, displaying the rotten contents of his mouth. It reminded me of a dank, wet dungeon.... his teeth the remnants of a broken and rusted portcullis. I think I caught sight of only one whole tooth, mostly they were just black specks in lumpy puss filled gums.

Unlike me, Sylvain has no pride, neither is he out to deceive. He seems eagar to show the diseased existence of years of heroin abuse... to force all the vileness of addiction in your direction. I suppose Sylvain's body is his work of art.... it’s his expression. I understand that more than I may let on.

7 comments :

jenx67 said...

I came here from the Melindaville blog, which I enjoy reading very much. Our worls are quite far apart, literally, figuratively. I invite you to visit my blog, sometime. It would be great to see your artwork - unless you blog anonymously. I do love art, and have never connected in the Blogosphere with a single soul from France. What do they refer to your generation in France? In the U.S., of course, you'd be an Xer. (Generation X/Gen X.) You have quite a Gen X memoir going - by state standards. Blessings, jen

Heroinhead said...

Jen, thank you for your comment & your visit. It means a lot to attract people outside of the heroin circles. Hopefully as the blog evolves, not only will it be an insight into heroin use, addiction and lifestyle, but also a social commentary of our times. This is important as I've no interest in writing a 'heroin diary'.

Of course I will visit your blog... I never turn down invitations. My friends have learnt that... so they no longer invite me! I've turned into an extraordinary gatecrasher.

What are we referred to in France???? I really don't know? I'll try and find out... I'm sure there's an equivalent. I live in france, but I am English. There's many names for that... all very offensive.

Once again thanks for the comment... we'll speak again soon. Best wishes, Shane.

http://shanelevene.hpage.com

AnnaGrace said...

So your from the UK, and your father was murdered by an infamous serial killer in the UK, am I right so far? I know I am, I read your blog. I know as a fellow Heroin addict, that sex is something rarely thought about, the high is sex for the heroin addict.
I know I find myself in limbo...am I attracted to men, or am I attracted to women, when I get off this methadone, and try to stay clean for a few months my sex drive will come back, and I will find my lover Heroin.
So before you began using H, what was you sexual orientation? I'm just wondering, because you so open, and here in American men are so closed off, they don't delve into something as painful their fathers murder by a serial killer.
What your about to write, could be healing for you. I hope it is.
If your offended by my comment, I'm so sorry, I did not mean to offend.

Heroinhead said...

AnnaGrace, no I'm not offended... here you can speak and say anything. People can offend me, curse me or love me... there's no moderation & no censorship.

My sexual orientation... I like women, but I must add that I do not see any difference between gay, straight, bi... they are all tags, and they are all fantasies. Sex is a mental process more than anything. Whether someone likes oral sex with a man or woman, for me there is no difference... it's just what stimulates the drive. We are all normal... that's what I think.

You're AnnaGrace no matter who you sleep beside!

You take care... & feel free to ask any question you like. We'll speak soon, Shnae.

Brother Frankie said...

attn

miss annagrace
(what a beautiful name)
it is ironic that
anna and grace

are put together as you have. anna meaning grace filled
and merciful.
and grace meaning,
well, just grace...
also known as grace of God...

see how us addicts get sidetracked. lol

anyway, you stated "the high is sex for the heroin addict"

might as well leave the "H" out.

thats a pretty much factual statement for most addicts,

except a sex addict i suppose...

ill have to ponder that some.

also pondering the american male statement.

i seem to look for pain to ponder.

being a "preacher" and a "biker" and an "addict" i dont quite fit in the normal places one might find themselves.

i do find myself at the throne of grace
(there is your name again)
and feel welcomed, but then again i feel welcomed here at this blog also.

tangents, tangents... oh i must stop barging in without an invite.

time to add a patch to the collection on my chest, side, and back... they say 72 hours, but i do not quite trust the package. evidently the folks who write these instructions have never been SICK.

You are loved
Brother Frankie

AnnaGrace said...

Why thank you Brother Frankie, but you've commented to me on Shane's blog. No big deal to me, and probably no big deal to Shane.

As far as my name, I remeber when I was around 7 right after my grandfather had commited suicide in our garage, I got this car that had my name "Anna" on top, and on the bottom it told me what Anna means, and I thought wow, I wonder if my parents knew this before I was born, and named. They didn't.
My last name also goes with my name, its strange. Thank you again brother, and if you'd like to read my blog, you can just click on my name and it will bring straight to it.

Although I believe Heroinhead's blog is much, much better than mine.
Heroinhead, is so smart he knocks my socks off, and his comment back to me, was genius. I wish I would have wrote the comment he did, and he wrote the comment I did.

My love to both brother, and Shane.
Anna Grace
XXX

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