Body mails are a critique against the rapid, cold and faceless communication of e-mails and text messages. They ARE NOT the work of a man troubled or in despair.
* * * * *
B-mail #1: Mistake...
To: Mum
From: Shane
Subject: Mistake
______________
The only mistake
U ever made was
backin out the
abortion
B-mail
Hopping
the
Wagon
How can a heroin addict NOT be troubled or in despair? Isn’t that what draws the moth to the flame in the first place? These are quite simply…tragic….and they make me feel incredible sadness. I want to tell you I'm sorry for your start in life but somehow, coming from a stranger, that doesn't seem right.
ReplyDeleteI hope this day finds you well….
Hey Summer, not ALL heroin addicts are depressed or sad or unhappy... in fact, many are very happy and enjoy their life like anybody else. That's not to say enjoy the addiction... but their life as A WHOLE, when everything is weighed up. It's just an addiction like any other. Must then ALL smokers be troubled and unhappy? All alcoholics too? People in pain and on long term morphine treatment? (that's heroin addiction too). Addiction just means that your body needs a drug to be physically well.. to keep it chemically balanced and working normally. That has nothing to do with being happy or sad or positive or negative: it just means you've taken a very addictive forming drug frequently enough for your body to now need it to function correctly. Yes, if you go by films the junkie is a sorry-assed scumbag sunk in a universe of depression and blackness...but that's nowhere near the reality of it. Go on any drug forum and you'll see a very different side of it... addicts celebrating life and wanting to live just as passionately as anybody else. Addiction is just the need of a foreign chemical that the body has gotten used to... it is independent of whether we are happy or not.
ReplyDeleteIf you see the pictures as sad and tragic then you've completely ignored what they represent and read straight through my introductory words. It's like telling someone their yellow shirt is black. The set of pictures were done for a forthcoming book in collaboration with a Swedish artist. It was at his request that they were inscribed. Not everything is always as it appears... X
I’ll hold on to your words…..cherish them really. I want so much to believe that…experience tells me otherwise but then I don‘t live in the mind and soul of my addicted son…perhaps there is happiness there, somewhere. I pray!
ReplyDeleteThe pictures….still painful to look at. Shouldn’t they be, though…..
PS: Summer, please excuse me if that reply seems a little blunt or impolite.... It really wasn't with intention. I was online when your comment came through and I instinctively hit 'reply' and started typing without 1) Welcoming you; and 2) Thanking You. So....
ReplyDeleteWELCOME to Memoires AND Thank YOU for your time and words... All My Thoughts, Shane. X
Summer, I didn't say EVERYONE... you can't cover everyone with the same blanket. Sure many addicts are sad and depressed, but so are many people who are not addicts (who take no drugs whatsoever).
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not get carried away portioning out blame, because by your words someone who turns to heroin must be pretty fucked up already to do so. Then the question is: How did they get so fucked up in the first place? If you want to generalize then a very common general fact is that many addicts felt neglected and unloved and uncared for growing up. And of course the parents always say: "Oh we loved our child unconditionally and gave him/her everything. They went for nothing and was loved like no other." But how the parent see's themselves and how the child see's them are very iften two completely different things - no-one likes saying, "Yes, I was at fault." And let's not forget that the REAL problem is then NEVER heroin, but the underlying reason as to why a young person had to turn to heroin. The EVIL can never be a plant... that's only where a fool's finger points to. So let's be very careful being adamant that someone has to be totally fucked up, because if it's the case the prick of the needle may very well jab us up our own arse.
Me, I detest the culture of blame and finger pointing. It's a futile exercise and we can all pass the buck... right back to monkey-man if necessary. It's pointless.
I'd also like to say one other thing. You stated in your first comment: "Isn’t that [trouble/despair] what draws the moth to the flame in the first place?
Well, no... not really. We can only use a drg for certain qualities once we know that drug possesses those qualities. We can only know that from personal experience, i.e, we've used heroin before and found it to be very calming. The first time most people use heroin (or any drug) is usually to have a good time (not to take away pain or trauma). During those times of experimentation we learn that one of the drugs properties was that it numbed you towards certain things. That acknowledgement kinda then lays dormant (sometimes for years, sometimes forever) until we experience a sever shock or upset. It's at that time when you remember "ah, heroin would be a great help now!" So despair/trouble is sometimes what draws the moth BACK TO the flame. And that is not exclusive to heroin... the same pattern can be found with alcohol: we start off experimenting or having fun (to see how it affects us) and only after can we manipulate the drugs quality to our own means. X
Faut vraiment que je te rencontre, si tu montes à Paris un jour, et si tu as le temps. Ton travail est fascinant, touchant, terriblement honnête, et fait réfléchir, d'une façon admirable. Tu as un style incroyable, léger et poignant, les pages défilent à une vitesse ... et ton expérience constitue un monde auquel personne ne m'avais jamais permis un accès aussi intime.
ReplyDeleteAussi, tu as exprimé une tonne de choses sur les drogues auxquelles j'avais pensé, sans en avoir la validation nulle part. Merci.
Une fan.
Shane, you're VERY smart. You sound foolish. Almost as if you want to be called out on it. The first message is telling your Mom you should never have been born. Come on now. You are not happy, you are miserable. My junkie husband tried to convince himself that all he needed was gear. Do you know what a HUGE part of the excruciating, unbearable pain of not being high is? It's your head being clear enuf to see what horror your life has become. And Lord knows you don't have the strength or means to even begin to fix it. So what's one to do? The only thing (in the junkies mind) you can do/control. Get some fucking gear and cook up some shots! And you slip further down the rabbit hole. Something one can only miss by having been there. A treacherous place that is best to have never been visited. It's disgusting.
ReplyDeleteI really adore all the body mail. Adam is VERY into scarification tattoos and is covered in them- including a Y incision (to make dad's job easier) which is wicked clever, obviously.
ReplyDeleteAlthough if Mum never had you, neither would your readers, your fans. You come up on Google US when anyone types in "heroin addiction" and they stumble upon this and you give people hope.
In addition, of Mum had an abortion, I'd never have you either. A Shane-less world would be so dreadful for me. Xx
-Tina (who else would say that) I forgot to sign!!!
Delete<3
ReplyDeleteI am kind of blown away by the world you inhabit and the way you present it. You have great depth and courage, my friend. Also- you write beautifully. I don't use drugs, but to me the scope of your writing is infinitely greater, and you manage to somehow effortlessly express all the ways in which the world is not what it seems. Be well.
ReplyDeleteHey Again Tatiana... well, the world is so beautiful: the light and sy and seasons and nature. And yet the social world is so cruel and full of tragedy and sadness. So you have these great tragedies playing out to the most beautiful backdrop of the world. Your heart gets smashed to pieces... planes fly into buildings... a tsunami swamps Japan, but come evening, the light fades and the sun goes down on the horizon and its just as wildly beautiful as it always is. I am traumatized by beautiful things. X
ReplyDeleteWow, that just killed me, in a metaphorical sense. This site is insanely insightful; everyone would think this subject would attract all the scumbags in the world, but as I suspected it actually brings out all the most imaginative, sensitive, creative and observant people instead. I'm just an ex-anorexic but it's remarkably similar. Wishing you all the goodness on earth ♥
DeleteHi Shane, I found your fantastic work after stumbling across one of your somewhat startling Quora responses. Many seem to involve bowels. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm in love with what you're doing but not with how you got here. Wanting you to be safe and content. I'd also love to buy some of your work - how can I do this?!
...and sorry that post made slightly less sense than I realised when I wrote it at 4.21am
ReplyDeleteHey Liz...
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words and time reading, it's always appreciated. Yes, Quora hooked me... can become quite addictive answering those silly questions, especially when you have fun with the replies like I do. I think the bowel thing comes from being British... I notice no british humour goes too long without someone either accidentally crappy themselves (or something around that). So, it's the Queen's fault! Let's blame her.
My artwork I lost it all when I fled France. God knows what's happened to it now or who pillaged it... so, sadly, it no longer exists. :(
Oh, your message made perfect sense. I read it with 4am eyes. X
Hey sorry for taking a while to get back to you.
ReplyDeleteI posted this in totally the wrong section -- I meant your fiction. Thanks for replying.