Apology Between Posts #5

As frequent readers of this blog will have noticed a disturbing pattern has slowly formed itself and probably says as much about my life as anything else. That pattern is this: Post - Apology - Post - Apology - Post -

This is a place where promises are broken and advertised "next posts" never materialise. But in my defense I have a bellyful of good excuses... unfortunately I've used most of them up now and so this is probably the last "Apology Between Posts" that will have any grain of truth or justification behind it whatsoever.

And so wthout further a-do here is this weeks excuse:

Yes, in absence of any friends or family to blame I lay the full responsibility for my dismal lack of output on my (new) SmackTop. She is 14 months old and has the following credentials to her name:

8 missing keys
3 additional keys that do not work
A touch pad that seems to have suffered a stroke and is paralysed down it's right side
22 Cigarette burns (2 more than my shirt)
Ash, debris and dog-ends littered over the keyboard
DVD player retarded
26 start-up programs blocked
1 broken speaker
1345 viruses (35 of which I am informed are deadly!)

With all that in mind maybe you can understand and forgive me for being a little slow in posting... maybe you'll be astonished that I ever posted at all? Sometimes to get the letter 'e' to work, I  have to enable the Voice Recognition System and do it that way.

The greatest shame of this whole event is that my  SmackTop has just exceeded it's 12 month guarrantee and so I am no longer able to exchange it for a new one... though I'm not sure that the warrantee covers the abuse that this poor thing has endured. If it was a dog I'd certainly be in prison.

Anyway, there's my latest apology (God knows what I'll use next time) and a new Memoires of a HH post will follow shortly, I promise... la di da di da

Best Wishes All & take care through this Suicide Season...

Shane. x


Shivi said...

Hehehe :) ...hey you have ciragette marks on your laptop and shirt ..:D ...oh noo..and what have you done to your poor lappie..well the good thing is that you still cared about posting for your readers..it s a sweet gesture Shane!

Take Care,

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hiya Shivi,

I've still about 4 comments of yours to reply to... shall I apologize now or later? lol No, I'll reply to them all in a little while.

Yeah, cigarette burns on my laptop, shirt & chest!;) It comes with the lifetyle...

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.. it means a lot.

All My Wishes, Shane.

Wildernesschic said...

Since giving up smoking I no longer have those problems but remember them well LOL.... little black holes in my clothes and on my sofa and out and out burns.. It is as you say a miracle you have posted at all.
Take care and be warm during this crazy time
love Ruth x

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hiya Ruth,

Oh, so everyone drops their cigarettes... maybe it is covered by the warranty!;)

I'll stay well... you do the same & we'll meet back here soon...

All My Love & Thoughts, Shane.x

Longy said...

Hi Shane. I hope you are keeping better than your laptop! Thanks for that post. It made me chuckle so much,I blew all my ash off these keys. At least the suicide season is over.....something to be cheerful about :-)

Chic Mama said...

I think we'll excuse you....it is a miracle you managed to do this post by the looks of it and hey who said you have to post? It's your blog.....take care.

Rachel Caprice said...

Lol, you laptop looks and acts like mine. I've beat you with my 12 missing keys but I only have 3 cigarette burns. Lol those things just don't know how to keep themselves out of harms way. Either way I enjoyed this post.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Happy New Year, buddy. Sorry about the state of the laptop. Laugh.

Love you, Shane. The New Year has go to be better than 2009, right?


JoeM said...

That raggedy old machine is only a year old? There must be a Dorian Grey painting of a perfect laptop in an attic somewhere...

Merry Suicide Season and Happy New Year!

sKILLz said...

Wow and I thought my board was bad.

I have some burn marks but at least all the keys work..

you need to gut out the computer. Get rid of any and ALL viruses, then re-install the programs one by one , that way there will be no viruses.

Back up any music, pix, and important flies before doing this..
After all that you can have the computer keys and the mouse scanner replaced.
Or you can use a USB mouse..
All you need to do is put some time and effort aside and it will be brand new, shit I SO WISH I was over there, I would have your shit working like brand new in no later then a a week..

Stay Up!

Tanja Guven said...

Dear Shane,

Here's a friend for your SmackTop.


I hope you'll enjoy it.

Zz... said...

that's a nice clean floor there! *impressed* lol

Syd said...

Whew--trade it for a Mac. They can withstand a lot.

Jasmine B. Demented said...


marginalutility said...

Honey, I've got one just like it. I thought I had the only junkie laptop in all the land--missing keys and shabby and cigarette burns from nodding out with me. Oh, and all those viruses b/c I don't allow myself to have a credit card or Paypal account b/c heaven knows what I could do with either, and I'm certainly more interested in doing a bundle than going to some big box store and buying virus protection programs. Thanks for giving me a good laugh of fond recognition.

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