Apologies between Posts #6: Obsessions by Joseph Mills

Hiya Everyone, maybe it would be more accurate to say "post between apologies" but this one isn't about me (or my fault!). The latest delay in posting I lay at the feet of Joseph Mills and his wonderful book 'OBSESSIONS'. Here's a little about him and links to his site and works:

Joseph Mills is the author of the highly praised novel Towards the End  and his short stories have been published in several anthologies, including The Ten Commandments, The Mammoth Book of Gay Short Stories, and The Picador Book of Contemporary Scottish Fiction. He has also contributed to various magazines among them Gay Times and Queer Words. He lives and works in Glasgow.

Joseph Mills is also a regular reader and contributer of this blog and probably without him ever realising it he brought a whole new audience here with his comments on Dennis Cooper's blog.

In return I thank him tremendously for that, and outside any friendship or personal feelings I recommend and urge that you ALL click on the links and buy his books... multiple times if you like!

Anyway, here's the links again and there will also be a permanent one in the sidebar:

Oh, and before I forget...

...a new Heroinhead post will follow shortly, maybe even tomorrow...

All My Best, Shane. x

I have not been paid or asked to write this post. Memoires of a Heroinhead remains an advert free space, though I will ALWAYS break my principles for the correct person or cause.

The Cyclops - A Reoccurring Dream...

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream. The one where I am shot in the head after witnessing a bank robbery, and for a few seconds, just before my eyes close to the big blackout, life suddenly seems worth living and fighting for.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream. The one where a gun is pressed so hard between my eyes that even firing a bullet now seems horrendously cruel. The one where I see the joint of the forefinger turn white as it pulls back on the trigger and then two men running off into the distance. The one where ambulance sirens are too far away.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream again. That one where I am fighting with all my might to survive each second. Where any bit of strength I have is taken away with the knowledge that a bullet has been shot at point blank range into my skull and that I cannot possibly survive. That dream where I had stared a millisecond too long at one of the gunmen and had turned from a shell shocked onlooker into a prospective witness.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream again. The one where I want to say: “I won’t tell a soul! Can’t you tell that from my eyes? I’m on your side!” The one where thick blood already congealed oozes from a hole between my eyes. The one where I leave my being, watch my own dying and then reunite for death. That dream where fear and panic are paralyzed and silent in a tormented body.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream. The one where my mother looks in horror at her executed and dying son and then shouts “You’ve ruined my fucking day!” The one where I become a dead witness to two crimes. The one where I am cordoned off by the crowd who stand in for blue and white police tape.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream again. The one where I am helpless and in my final moments noone still moves in to offer up help or comfort. The one where I end like a beggar laying spent upon the sidewalk. The one where fate and instinct turns a stroll up the Highstreet into something very ominous and sinister. That dream which seems so real and so realisable.

Lately I’ve been having that reoccurring dream. The one where I am turned into The Cyclops. The one where I realise you can smell in dreams. The one where the cries of seagulls carry me free from the pain.

Last night I had that reoccurring dream... tonight I will dream that dream again....

Hope you’re all well... My apologies for the wait and a proper HH post will follow very shortly...

Until then...

My Thoughts & Wishes to All,

Shane. x