Myth or Reality? The Truth about Heroin Addicts



This post, while acknowledging certain truths, puts pay to some frequent misconceptions surrounding heroin addiction. All in all, Heroinheads are quite different from their stereotyped portrayal in the media.

(If your looking for an answer to a specific question check out the following link which is a selection of questions I've been asked via email: Memoires of a Heroinhead  - Heroin Questions)


Heroin addicts are thin with black eyes.

MYTH. It is very difficult to spot a heroin addict from sight.The common physical stereotype of an addict is a media invention, a visual aid to immediately inform the viewer of a characters most basic of motivations. If heroin addicts really looked like that there wouldn't be any of us left. We'd all be constantly stopped, searched and arrested in the streets. It's often easy, in retrospect, to see some giveaway sign in an addicts behaviour/physical appearance, but before knowing for sure if someone is an addict or not those characteristics could be the sign of any number of problems: mental illness, depression, cancer, liver disease, prescribed medication or just life itself. Not even addicts can spot other addicts with any degree of certainty, though there are a couple of reliable signs that can allow an experienced eye to spot another injecting drug user. Also, keep in mind that for every addict who may show some visible sign of his/her addiction there are just as many who show no outward sign at all. Thinness and black eyes can occur in an addict after severe and repeated bouts of withdrawal, but usually, someone who looks like that is a gothic. In fact, many addicts, especially long-term users, tend to be overweight and have a bloated, heavy appearance. With the weight gain brought about through methadone maintenance (a weird, thick fat which builds up around the face, chest, abdomen and thighs) and often problems with the liver, addicts tend to have a look more similar to diabetics than what is commonly thought of as a 'typical heroin addict'. Young addicts going through their first severe bout of addiction (and struggling to maintain it) do often lose weight, but it's due to not having finances to eat, and not a direct side effect of heroin.

You only need to use heroin once to become addicted

Myth.... and a crazy one at that. If anyone ever claims that they became physically or psychologically addicted after trying heroin the first time they are lying and scare-mongering. Addiction to anything is not a quick process, and no matter how highly addictive heroin is, you can only become an addict if you use the  drug repeatedly and daily over many weeks. Many addicts experience a gradual slip into dependency, using recreationally for months or years before finally becoming physically dependent. The actual time it does take is uncertain (and depends on the person) but one thing is clear: you CANNOT get addicted from the first, second or even tenth time of using. My personal experience is that I used heroin two or three times a week, for almost a year, before picking up a habit. And even then, that habit only came about because I started using daily. It's the same story for many others. If you were to somehow go from never having used to using everyday it would still take weeks to form a habit. The amount of heroin that a first time user needs is so small that it wouldn't  be enough to sustain an addiction. That's why addiction often follows a period of recreational use, during which a user's dosage increases, until finally (if progressing to daily doses) they are using enough to sustain an addiction. Psychological dependency can happen before physical dependency, but even psychological dependency takes time to acquire. If there are some people who try heroin and go on to become addicts, well, there are just as many who try it, don't enjoy it, and never touch it again.

Most heroin addicts are untrustworthy.

REALITY... by nature, no; by addiction, yes. The heroin addict needs money daily and as the day wears on he/she will consider more and more desperate means to get it. Stealing from the uncautious is an easy solution, though the addict will often ask before taking. Going on sheer logic, that says that it is not the addiction which dictates if someone will steal or not but rather their financial situation. A millionaire addict will not steal your purse or handbag - they have no need to. In regards to  lying,  most addicts, to hide their addiction (or to get what they want) will lie. But that is not behaviour unique to heroin addicts: most of us lie to cover up certain things in our life, or when the truth will not necessarily get us what we want.

Heroin addiction is expensive.

MYTH. Heroin addiction (at least in the UK) can cost less than someone who has a 2 pack a day cigarette habit.  Many addicts subsist on a bag a day  (£10 - $15). The average is 3 bags a day (£25 - $40). In London I was doing eight bags a day which cost me £50. It can get expensive, but not how some claim. When you read in a paper, or hear on Oprah: “I had a $1000 a day smack habit.!” It’s a lie. The person was probably never a heroin  junkie at all. On the other hand, a crack cocaine addiction can run into thousands of $$$'s a day.

The heroin addict is weak willed.

MYTH. This is probably the greatest myth of them all. Heroin addiction is not about lack of willpower or strength – it is a matter of science: if you put this drug in your system frequently enough the  body will begin to need it, and finally will not be able to function without it. The strongest willed person in the world will become an addict if heroin finds its way into their system often enough: addiction isn't a choice. Of course, there is a choice whether or not to take the drug so frequently in the first place, but the concept of 'physical' addiction (before you have experienced it) is so abstract and hard to comprehend that even most users go into this thinking addiction is about will-power and strength and believing they will be the one who'll be strong enough  to control it. It's only when we learn just what is meant by 'physical addiction' and that it is a biological process and not a mental one that we realise just what little chance we stood. Even those users, like myself, who saw their parents or family members brought to their knees by withdrawals, we still imagine it is somehow a put on.... a weak cry for drugs and not a biological need for them. It's only when one experiences physical dependency first hand that you realise how powerless you are. So when initially using heroin (not understanding and being sceptical about 'physical dependency') there is no urgent need to show restraint or in trying to be strong. You believe using will always be about choice, that you'll use when you can and want to, and when you've had enough or don't have much money, then you'll not use. Only all too often, by the time the user reaches that crossroads, it is too late as the body has by then become physically dependent on the biological changes the drug has brought about.


Heroin addicts are mostly homeless.

MYTH... though many do beg to get their dope money. Heroin addiction does not suit a life on the streets. To find a vein and enjoy the benefits of the drug you need light, heat and comfort; real homelessness just doesn't  sit well alongside the life of addiction. Still, there are many homeless addicts but they are a huge minority. Many other addicts are in 'Homeless Shelters and Hostels'  (so yes, 'officially' homeless) though not without shelter.

Heroin addicts are mostly male?

REALITY. There are 3 times as many male to female heroin addicts.

Heroin addicts are suicidal.

MYTH. If addicts were suicidal they could end it all very quickly, very painlessly and very easily. The addict is normally seeking some sort of attention for their pain, as well as an escape from it. Addicts often suffer from some trauma, though I don’t say depression. In many ways addicts are the opposite of suicidal: they want to live! This is why they're using heroin in the first place: to block out  pain or trauma and allow themselves to live some relatively calm and peaceful days. Often addicts play up to this suicidal tag and are often the worst proponents of the myth, same as they often help to falsely exaggerate the dangers of using heroin. Being thought of as 'suicidal' and 'suffering', being 'reckless' and 'self-destructive' are myths and stereotypes that many addicts enjoy. They are tags which add to your 'cool' stakes and which many addicts enjoy being seen in that light. But acting suicidal and depressed is no different to sitting on  a train with a book about philosophy or advanced chess tactics and purposely making sure everyone sees what you're reading... it's about getting a desired image of yourself across to the world you live in. Never-the-less, that most addicts are suicidal is a huge myth.

A quick check of the arms will always give away the injecting heroin addict.

MYTH. The veins in the arms don’t last most addicts too long and so clean arms only means that there has been no injections in that area or that there are no veins left to inject into. Also, don't forget that injecting heroin is not like in the films and very often the site of injection doesn't even bleed let alone leave huge ugly sores and abscesses. Also, keep in mind that mid-arm injections (which they always show in films and pictures) is a very time limited injection site and you'll be much more likely to find needle marks in the top sides of the hands than there. Still, if an addict tries to prove abstention by  rolling  up his/her sleeves, ask him/her to drop their trousers.Marks, bumps and lumps on their legs will immediately  tell you if they've really been keeping clean or not. If after checking the arms, hands, legs, feet, stomach, chest and neck  you still haven't found any tracks or traces, bend them over and  look deep inside the anus with a magnifying glass.... maybe you'll find a needle mark or abscess there.

Heroin addicts don’t wash.

50/50 this one... though if I had to generalise I would say REALITY. Heroin addiction changes one’s priorities. Washing first thing in the morning is no longer the most important thing -- getting your morning fix is. Heroin addiction also takes up a fairly large amount of time to sustain, and after   running about all day, struggling to find money and to score, a shower before bed often doesn't feel like a great idea. Then there are some addicts like me who wash only when they are dirty, and sometimes only wash the visible parts of their bodies. It also depends if you're living alone or with a partner (especially a non-using partner). Heroin addicts still wash, but maybe not always as frequently as non-users.

Heroin addicts are sexy.

MYTH. Rotten teeth, dirty fingers, hepatitis and swollen, bloated limbs are not sexy. Someone masquerading as an addict may be perceived as sexy, but real hard-core addicts rarely are. For the addicts who show little or no physical signs of their addiction, well, they can be no sexier than anyone else. If someone does (and many do) have a penchant for addicts... for their seemingly wild, vulnerable, reckless, self-destructive nature, then that perceived sexiness is a passive one heaped upon them by the admirer.

Most addicts want to quit.

REALITY: The percentage of addicts suffer terribly (many going to the grave) with their addiction. For most it is a lifelong battle to quit and stay clean. There are not many who don’t want to quit, or have never entertained the idea. Even I thought about quitting... once.

It is easy to overdose.

MYTH. It’s extremely difficult. It takes 10 times an addicts normal dosage to be anywhere near fatal and one experiment showed quite astonishing results: that it'd take 50 New York bags of average quality to kill someone .There are many top doctor and opiate specialists who don't believe in heroin overdose.  From my personal experience, I also hold to that view. Heroin deaths are normally put down to overdose for statistical and  budgetary reasons, but are much more likely to have been due to toxic heroin or a combination of different drugs & alcohol. Overdose is very common, but FATAL overdose is not. It does exist but is not as rampant as governments and anti-drug policy and propaganda tries to convince us it is.

Heroin addicts are violent – especially when desperate for a fix.

MYTH. Most heroin addicts are very passive and peaceful. They will more than likely run from trouble than confront it. A heroin addict in withdrawal can barely walk let alone fight. Violence does exist in heroin circles but it is around the group of users that have mental health issues – they are violent even without the drug. Not all people with mental health problems are violent.

The heroin addict belongs to a specific economic group.

MYTH. Heroin addicts come from all walks of life, although there are an increasing number of addicts proportional to their poor economic conditions. Without doubt poverty and poor education does account for what escapes are on offer to us, and as heroin is an easy available 'cure all' a traumatised working class person is much more likely to spend £10 on a bag of smack rather than £100 going to see a stress counsellor or psychiatrist. But heroin addiction (or any addiction) is not endemic to any economic group. I know doctors, lawyers, artists, writers and computer programmers who are addicts.

Heroin addicts will steal the eyes from their grandmothers head.

Unfortunately REALITY... though we’ll always try to replace them later.

Heroin addicts are young.

MYTH. Heroin is normally sought by adults. There are young users, and some boroughs/places have a problem with young users, but generally the average age differs from around 24 - 31. This was one of the great surprises I had when first starting to use – the amount of mature addicts. If you keep in mind heroin is a long term addiction (on average 8 - 10 years before recovery) then you'll be able to understand that figure a little better.

Why can’t heroin addicts just say “NO!”

MYTH: They can and do. They can say “No!” a hundred thousand times... but saying “Yes” once, wipes all the “no’s” out.

Heroinheads have to type their username and password into a website on at least 10 separate occasions before  logging in successfully?

REALITY. Yes, without fail.

- - -

'Myth or Reality: The Truth about Heroin' was brought to you by Shane X

106 comments :

kokh_adkt said...

I have never tried heroin, I cant say that i havent wanted to, but never came across it, coke is more available to me its very expensive here, anyways i have been following your blog as of recent, thanks for sharing..they myths untold was the best. :)

Lou said...

myth: heroin addict son "borrows" my car in the middle of the night.
fact: heroin addict son steals my car in the middle of the night. He calls me every couple hours for 3 days and tells me he is bringing it back "soon". Police call at the end of 3 days. Car has been found stopped in the middle of the road, out of gas. Son is nodded out at steering wheel, and goes to jail without resistance. I pay $300 to get car out of impound (police had it towed as it was out of gas).
Myth: junkies are fun to have around
Fact: junkies are a pain in the ass, and if you find my eyeballs, please give them back

Lou said...

PS I hope you know the above is an attempt at humor. I have gotten over the car:(
If you go to my blog entries of 8-08, I have a 2 part post entitled "things that make you go hmmm" which you may find amusing.

Heroinhead said...

@Kokh_adkt,

Thanks for reading, its appreciated. Yes, the price of coke!! I had a huge crack cocoaine prob whilst in LOndon... it cost me $100's a day! Amazingly, you can't get crack in France... it doesn't exist. You either have to freebase, use coke, or go without.

Whats happening on your blog? Are you still going to post or are you finished with it?

Anyway, glad you liked the post... keep reading,
Shane.

grey said...

glad you put an end to those misconceptions. good job mate :)

Heroinhead said...

Thank you Grey. It's very nice of you to have popped by... Sorry there was no tea & biscuits for ya! Next time, hey? ;)

Smack Happy said...

Excellent post! Thanks for doing this. I just wanted to add that most H OD situations in my world come from addicts who have been in recovery or otherwise clean for a period of time, and underestimate their drop in tolerance when they use again. Happens way too often, sadly.

Heroinhead said...

Thank you Smack Happy... it's good to see you around! And you're right... it is one of the situations where Od's are very possble. I'll put that as an add-on.

Take care my friend & keep well, Shane.

Betsie Zombie (Vanessa) said...

Thank you SO MUCH for the invite! Too bad u don't know portuguese , cause I actually had a blog entry talking about one of my heroes who recently died with an Overdose. Don't get me wrong but I have to ask u this: are u still addicted to heroin?

It's okay if u don't answer.
Just be careful, say No, get some help, be around people who really knowns you , supports you and that know your past...they will help!

I don't know whhat to say.
He died in October. He was 39 years old...is name? Gidget Gein (Brad Stewart). He was such a kind soul, he suffered alot..but he always, ALWAYS looked up for his friends and the few family that he had. He talked to him oce, I was like OMFG HE FUCKING REPLYED TO MY MSG! I was so excited! y hero, my all-time heroe replyed to my msg...a silly msg! Later I knew by his friends that he always replyed to his fans messages. :')
He was the former bass player of Marilyn Manson and the spooky kids...and in my opinion, MM ruined his life. But I don't what to talk about it... here, read it, if u want, it is translated by google, so...it's kinda messy, but u'll understand: http://translate.google.pt/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fbzombieantidote.blogspot.com%2F2009%2F02%2Fhoje-o-texto-e-grande-mas-queria-que.html&sl=pt&tl=en&hl=pt-BR&ie=UTF-8

if u need anything, just talk/ask.
take care.
vanessa mota

Heroinhead said...

Vanessa, yes i'm still a heroin addict... it's been nine years now. I had a one year holiday in 2003/04. I choose this life... my addiction isn't something that I fight against.

I will read the MM story now.

Thank you for your kindness... it's nice to know that humanity still exists... you're one of the 'good people'.

Keep in touch & take care, Shane.

Raphael Armenti said...

thanks for the invite. wierd huh? everything in your life is your choice. except how you get started in it.

Heroinhead said...

yeah, it's strange that. Though not everything is a choice... it would be good if it was. Many things are imposed upon us. We do not choose our desires and fantasies, they are the product of many different elements.

Thanks for visiting Raphael, I'll be back on your blog soon. Shane.

Starrlight said...

The fact that I do NOT do heroin and yet I still have to log on 10 times....worries me :P

Heroinhead said...

Starrlight... that worries me as well! ;)

grace said...

ive been reading your blog page after page after page.. im so captivated by your words. thanks for your bravery!

Heroinhead said...

Grace, I'm glad you liked it ;)

If it was only you who enjoyed my blog.. it was worth writing.

You take care & BW, Shane.

Kenny said...

I've heard that many prison inmates who are addicted to heroin often die within a few months from leaving prison due to the fact that the heroin they take in jail is always weaker because the dealers add other substances such as caster sugar,talc or flour.So when they are released they are exposed to a purer substance which their body cant tolerate and they die out of an OD.

Kenny said...

oh and another thing, a dealer makes more money in prison than on the out.

On the outside two grammes of heroin has a street value of 80 quid. Inside prison each gramme will be converted to ten points and each point will be made into three sales.

Each sale will be one-third heroin and and two-thirds crushed paracetamol which ca be picked up by prisoner by just claiming to have a headache. Each sale is worth 5 quid so the dealer ends up with 300 quid for two grammes, almost four times the market price.

All the prices are from the year 2002. I have no idea whether it has changed recently or not.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hiya Kenny,

Thanks for the comments and excuse me for not replying to you on Blogger. I saw your message as it came through in an email, but I never log into Blogger to reply.

Addicts OD'ing on release. The addict is at risk aftr abstention, but it's very hard to OD just because of a stronger batch of heroin. Even if it is 3 times stronger than in jail, the addict would still have to take an incredible amount to kill himself. He can OD, but not often fatally. I understand what you say, and agree it can happen and the addict is at more risk than usual.

I've never been in prison so do not know how it all works there. I'm sure what you say is correct though. What I will say is that using in prison is a huge risk... there is normally only a couple of needles and all the addicts must share them. I cannot imagine an addict using in prison can leave without either hepatitis or HIV. So the risks of using in prison are in many ways more perilous than on the out.

Thanks again for your comments... keep reading and hopeflly we'll speak more soon.

My best wishes, Shane.

Cathy said...

Now why couldn't someone dispel so many of the old myths earlier than this? But I must say, about "willpower" or the lack, I think the chemical changes require a different kind of will, it's not strong it's just directed differently, and it's not weak, but as you yourself point out, you take any strong minded person and pump them full of smack for a month, their "will" weakens in the face of what this drug offers, they'll certainly walk over your dead body to get it. I know I did. So maybe our willpower, if that's the right word, "softens" more toward something else. Another myth: People will stop judging you once you're clean long enough. Reality: People judge you by the worst day of your life.

dusty rose said...

absolutely incredible entry.
i stopped a while back
not by choice
but by neccessity and then i got hurt cause i used again
and the necessity because nothing but certainty
you always have this incredible way of dispersing this feeling.
i think about it all the time
i'm thinking about it right now
i'm drinking bourbon and thinking about how great
it would be to fill the hidden rig i got with a big
clump of brown.
but thats bad.
and hearts,
--d.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hiya again Dusty,

Yes, it'd be great to fill that rig... but you wouldn't feel so clever tomorrow. And as you know opiates are either everyday or not at all... there's no safe middle ground.

I've been mostly on methadone these past weeks and sometimes the urge to sacrifice everything I haven't got is overpowering... I can almost feel myself slipping away just thinking of it. But at some tine we must show restraint... even if it's just to postpone it to another day (a better day). Addiction in the wrong circumstances is a hell after hell... it's not a good place to be.

Thanks as ever for reading and commenting... All My Best, Shane. x

basketball_ch34 said...

Shane,

Firstly I want to say you are not hopeless you are a man that is valuable. You are a man that is awesome. You are a man that can be anything you want to be. If you choose to be a heroin addict that is your choice. I have read your page and I hope you dont think im nosey but I just wanted to bring you words of encouragement. I am from a country that does not have heroin which is good for me. I have never touched hard core drugs and never hope to. Whilst reading your page I have noticed that you have had a hard up bring. I am sorry about your father and mother. None of that was your fault I hope you know this. can you look at your life and see hope? can you remember when you were little what you wanted to be when you grew up? surly you had something that you were passionate about that is not drugs? I am studying the brain at this current time and I know that you are what you are due to the environment you grew up in. your environment you grew up in as a little child has allowed you to have a mentatlity that drugs is your destiny I get this feeling reading your profile page. I am here to tell not only you but everyone that I have also been through one of the hardest lives I wish not to elaborate on this but I know there is hope. I know that you and every addict could be a teacher, a lawyer, a writer, a painter, a hairdresser. It not to late to enjoy the last years of your lives. I know that drugs make you smelly, depressed, sad, ugly, skinny, unhealthy and los of humanity. It takes you to the grave. You cant tell me that this is the life you want? you cant tell me that you want to LIVE HELL on earth? I KNOW YOU HAVE passions Art, literature, painting, writing, sculpture, theatre, Poetry. You can restat your life. Take small steps. You are not a priduct of your past. You can get off all drugs if you want to. why dont you want to treasure life take each day as it comes not being worried and anxious all the time? I am soo worried about you and all people who are addicts. Yes I bet I am going to get alot of abuse from drug addicts on here that tells me to shut up and go away. I know that is only becuase I am speaking hope to them and they are not willing to hear it. They want to live depressed. Yes people turn to drugs generally due to hurt and pain they want the drug to take it away. The drug not only takes away the pain that the people have it takes there life. you said its a myth that heroin uses are suicidal. I tell you now all heroin addicts are suicidal they are taking there life and handing over to a drug. You Die to a Drug. I wish I could help. I wish I could do something to take away the pain in this world so that all people could live happily.

To all addicts there is hope there are people that care about you in this world. I care about you! I dont even know you but I care. I want you to live a happy life I want you to try and strive to be the best person you can be. where there is a will there is a way. Use the will you have placed in your heart and go to someone and ask them for help beg them to help you. take small steps to get of the drug as it is not the answer. DONT LET A DRUG TAKE YOUR HUMANITY. YOU ARE worth SO much more than that. You are precious. You have abilitys and dont you dare tell me its to late. WHILE you are alive you it is Never to late.

from me

forensicjim said...

I am very new to all of this. I have never been on any type of illegal drugs at any time in my life. I have met a girl whom I care a great amount for and she is addicted to heroine. Apparently for multiple years. She did not hide this fact from me from the very beginning, the second day that I spent time with her she was very upfront and honest, telling me about her addiction. She is 28 years old and probably the kindest woman that I have ever met. She is currently going to a methadone clinic to help her with her addiction. She seems to be convinced that all addicts relapse. Any advice that anyone can give me to help me help her in this battle would be greatly appreciated. I am the most patient and understanding individual that I know, I am going to assume that I will need all of the patience and understanding the I can muster up. I will do anything I can to help her win her life back. Thanks for your time.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Forensic Jim,

That's something quite personal so mail me here and if I can offer any help I will.

myheroinhead@gmail.com

Hope to hear from you soon, all My Best, Shane.

Anonymous said...

I have never used heroin, but I fell in love with a "recovering" addict and he tore my world apart. Three times. I always believed that people can change, but honestly I am now truly convinced that heroin addicts turn into these sociopathic zombies and it is like a train wreck set in slow motion and all you want to do is push the person that you love from in front of the train, but they can not hear you. It is so sad. They are ghosts of the person that they were. Heroin RUINS lives. You are better than that. You are strong.

Chris Pope said...

I am a recovering heroin addict and I struggle. I want to be free. Heroin is like my mistress. My woman, my love, but then oneday she nags at me and hurts me so it is time for a divorce. It is never easy and I have lost everything and I am so young, only 25. So many people judge me and call me dirty smack head but i have never robbed old ladies or done anuthing terrible to fund my habbit. I am a victim of circumstance. Email me if you can help, skinnyman_2004@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

My roomate who is a recovering heroin addict invited his friend for the weekend. We went out drinking and after we came home the friend stole my car, credit and debit cards. When he came back after making out everything and my missing school and work he said "that's what drug addicts do". I don't know if he's using heroin, but I found a needle in my roomates bag and he said his friend must have put it there. I don't believe him and now think he was in on it. I plan on asking to see his legs like because when I confronted him he showed my his arms. Why can't I see the signs?

Lost said...

I've been thinking about TRYING heroin once or twice, is that gonna fuck me up or is it safe if its just a one time thing???

Lost said...

Im really into "outer-body experiences" but so far all I've done is hash, antidepressants, inhalants(butane, carburetor cleaner...), pain killers, and speed.

Ive been wanting to try heroin for awhile now... do you think the high is worth trying and would doing it once or twice really be as bad as people make it seem???

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey Lost,

Trying it once isn't going to fuck you up (unless you overdose and die or end up with brain damage or something). Also if you're only going to TRY it once then there's no real point... you may as well try it zero times... it's almost the same. You're an adult and you must make these decisions yourself. It fucks some people up, kills others and helps a few... I don't know what it'll do to you. If yiu can deal with life without it that's the best option. X

Anonymous said...

hi began at 19 am 53 now long apprenticeship but I am in good health use new works everytime now.In the old days used to share but since AIDS apeared no way.Got hep C of girlfriend in the 80s but did pegulated interfereon course and cleared that up.Course makes you very sick for six moths but it worked.Have always held good jobs as H is$450 a wieght gram and quality is not bad.Biggest problem is Police problem not drug problem.Had to do 2 1/2 years in jail in 96 due to growing/selling weed ,got caught selling 14oz to undercover and got 5 years on the top.Prison just a waste of time.Never stopped me using inside or out.The system just does not get it I love Herion and nothing they say or do is going to change that.Do not smoke or do other drugs just H thats why I was able to fight of ALL(Luekeamia) with massive doses of chemo(6 months in Hospital).Its funny part of the treatment was a self dosing machine to administer Fentanyl (artificial Herion) but much more addictive and far worse withdrawal.Makes you really sick and goes on for a month stay clear of this one just use once or twice do not get a habit on this stuff it bites.Anyway life goes on.

Anonymous said...

While I found your post interesting and informative, I cannot imagine anyone who would "choose" the route you've chosen, glamorize it, promote it, or defend it. I believe your years of drug abuse have clouded your judgement in that you seem to be in total denial about your own addiction and your own propensity towards self destruction. You act as if you have "no choice" in the matter, or had "no choice" at the getgo. We are all nothing more or less than the sum of our own personal choices. Choose your own path, stay with your heroin addiction if it suits you, it's a free world, for the most part. My bet would be that sooner or later, if they don't find you dead, you'll end up crying out to the universe for help.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

hey anonymous....

We will all be found dead at some point, and there's not a man or woman alive who'll not end up crying for help at some stage in their lives. You've just stated a very general conclusion and tried to make it a distinct end only for those who are addicted to heroin. You know, there are many people born with debilitating diseases who are medically prescribed heroin from birth to death. They use just as I do, only it's prescribed. Their average age of death is no different from the rest of the population and they don't end up in the gutter. Why? But of course, someone who is so straight in thought as yourself will make excuses for those who are prescribed it to ease physical suffering... you'll convince yourself it's not the same. Far from my mind being clouded due to years of drug abuse, yours is stagnant due to an unquestioning acceptance of what you're told and what you read. You also seem to have made a judgement as to how people think about their lives of addiction and pin that idea on everyone. I've repeatedly said in my writings here that I chose heroin and it was a conscious decision I made... but you're so eager to be nasty and bitter and critical that your eyes have stopped seeing anything which doesn't fit into your false idea of things. You've also made a conscious decision to ignore all the writing that doesn't concern heroin and comment on my words that are blatantly about it. You are as guilty as anyone... and you don't even know it.

Take care and I hope something or someone enlightens you before you're found dead on the toilet after having a heart-attack brought on by constipation. That's a very common end ... junkie or not. X

sheila said...

I think it's a form of denial to suppose that during the early phase, before becoming physically dependent, that a person using heroin is not WEAK. You CHOOSE to use the drug, apparently, long before it becomes an addiction. As much as I know about substance abuse, I've never been able to get past the "weakness" aspect. AS a mother, I've gone through the many, many detoxes and rehabs with my son - I drank the kool-aid along with all the other parents, hopeful that kicking it would really just be a matter of drying out and CHOOSING the right path. But, after more than ten years, I fully realize that it's a great commercial enterprise, rehab. The addicts repeatedly fail - their weaknesses surviving all else. My son tells me he'd wait out each rehab thinking ONLY of that first fix upon release. It's sad, sad, sad. Such a waste of a life.

SHEILA

Anonymous said...

Perhaps, a different perspective than most I have seen here. I am the mother of a heroine addict. She wasn't always on heroin, but from what I have learned, I presume she was born to be addictive just as some are born gay. First, it was a boottle of wine, then it was E&J, I thought she was better when she stopped drinking. She always had a job from age 16, had my grandaughter at 26, year later MS dignosis and I learned she was on Perks......2 years later, she drives 45 miles a day each way when she only works a block from her house. Crashes, tickets, borrows money, but never has diapers or gas, behind on all bills, but lives rent free with Daddy. Yes, such a good life,can't go to work without driving to get her fix. Room full of needles, bags......my beautiful daughter, lost, sad......intervention......in detox now. Baby misses her mommy and my daughter now alone and suspended from work for theft. Did I mention, she has 3 scripts that she sells to buy H.



Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Sheila & Anonymous friend!

There's been no reply to this post for months and two come in the same day both saying the same thing and trying to force an opinion by pure strength of numbers. You've seen one side of heroin addiction... you don't see the other side because it's not visible. But just because you haven't seen it don't try to drown it out with with your own biased views of it. If we all paly that silly game it becomes worthless... I'll email 50 junkie friends to leave fake comments saying the opposite of what you have.

Sheila, don't be stupid to call it a weakness in the early days. Addicts don't know what's in store for them any more than anyone else does. They believe iot's take or leave and until they are addicted do not have a real concept of what addiction even is. In your scenario EVERYONE is weak: those people who first drink coffee, smoke the first cigarette, eat fatty and sugary foods, take prescription medication, go to the doctor for a pill for anxiety or depression.... all them things lead to addictions and fat and cigarettes kill way more than heroin ever has. Oh, and of course there's our old friend alcohol. So everyone is WEAK Sheila? Is that what you're tellling me? What you believe? I think you need to understand that our first experimentation with drugs don't come about through weakness but through trying to discover and try our world and all that's in it. It's an excitement to see what effect these things can have. If you continue to look at it from your tired ignorant ignorant eyes then you'll never be any help to your son because you're saying things which he knows isn't true (even if he'll nod and say "yes" just to get you off his back).

A waste of life? I suppose you'd rather your son drug free and working 9-5 or shovelling bricks (like 80% of people) and dying just out of debt? Shovelling bricks or waiting tables or cleaning toilets 9 hours a day is also a waste of life... and it also kills and makes people miserable. maybe think of what the alternatives are before condemning your lads current choices and the consequences of it.

Anonymous, you tell me that your daughter has had huge problems even as young as 16 (still a child). She must then have been very unhappy... what happened to make her need to get out her mind at that young age? Why are you so angered about heroin when it seems alcohol has also really fucked her up? Of course she sells her scripts for H... the scripts don't work! We all sall our scripts for H (if e're still using). What's the problem? Why find more fault in your daughter? If she didn't sell her script I'd have her down as an idiot. And of course she can't go to work before her fix... no addict can! Of course her place is full of needles... that's how she takes her drug. Same as a smokers flat is full of cigarette ends. You really need to find another way to try and deal with this than pouring your energy into anger and disapproval. The problems here and it'll not be helped or made better by screaming out the obvious. It's also exactly that which will push your loved ones far far away. If you was my mother I wouldn't confide in my problems and the truth of what I'm doing and where I'm at. You're giving all the wrong responses and wondering why your loved ones have become distant.

Anyway, now you two friends can tut and gossip over this response and maybe get some more parents of addicted children to post comments here.

regardless, I wish you both the best and hope you find some peace within this life... X

Arlo said...

Hi, thanks for publishing this. I've never used drugs myself, but I'm interested in understanding more about what it's like to be an addict, and I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me.

In this post, you talk about how none of us can understand what physical addiction is like unless we've experienced it for ourselves, and you also confirm that addicts will steal their grandmother's eyes, and talk about how the first thing they think of when they wake up is getting their latest fix, and so on. So it seems like in a way, you're confirming the stereotype the media has of drug addicts always being thinking about where they're going to get their next high. But at the same time, you talk about knowing addicts who are doctors and lawyers, and so on. So I'm just curious, how is it possible for an addict to function in these jobs if their mind is always on the where they're going to get more drugs? I assume you're saying there are levels of addiction, and the doctors and lawyers probably aren't as addicted as the person who steals from their grandmother?

I'm tempted to say that maybe they're psychologically addicted, but not physically addicted, but actually it sounds the opposite to me, if they're able to do their jobs while having an addiction. Is it possible to be physically addicted without also being psychologically addicted?

Also, from what I understand, a physical addiction happens when a tolerance is built up to that particular drug, and your body needs more of it to reach the same high. So theoretically, as you need more and more each day, I assume that's how it reaches the point that you're eventually stealing from your grandmother? Are the doctors and lawyers just not taking enough to reach that level?

I'm sorry if these questions sound stupid, but I know nothing about what it's like to be an addict, and I'm interested in learning about the experience. Many sites on the web give information about the basics of why you should avoid heroin use, but yours is the only site I've been able to find that talks about what it's actually like to go through that.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey Arlo, thanks for writing. It's a long, complicated answer you've asked of me and so I'll answer (in part here and another reply tomorrow or so).

The Grandmother thing was a bit of humour in what was list of quite heavy stuff. Of course it'snot true all or any addict would steal their grandmother's eyes. Addicts ONLY steal for money. If they have their own money they don't steal. Why would they? So it's very clear the only addicts who will steal are those who cannot fund their habits (which, admittedly, is quite a lot. But not all, and maybe not even the majority).

Addiction is a very difficult thing to undersatnd if you've not experienced it. To understand the concept of physical addiction is all but impossible because there's no other experience like it, where if we don't have something ourwhole physical being breaks down and malfunctions. Even starving ourselves of food isn't painful. I diodn't understand physical addiction even when i was using heroin every day. Every kept asking "but have you been sick yet?" I'd look at them as if they were talking of some myth that had been built up but din't really exist. But physical withdrawals are real and not in any way psychosomatic. It'sscience, biology... the body is going through a mighty chemical change/imbalance during withdrawal and itacts like you're in the grip of plague. It'sa sickness like no other and no-one is immune or stronger than it.

Your minds ONLY constantly on the next hit of heroin if you don't know where it'scoming from. When you can afford your habit, buy in bulk, that problem ceases to exist and you function without any trace of your addiction. It's why you don't know any clean addicts... because you can't see them. It's called being a fonctional, stable addict. And it's no great surprise they exist, tehy always have. Terminally ill patients are mostly all heroin addicts (prescribed heroin, but the same drug); cancer patients; people with long term, lifelong debilitating illnesses, etc... they are in effectheroin addicts, but because the supply is guaranteed and controlled they realize no change (other than a few side effects) in their person. They don't go out and steal, stop washing, go crazy, look like death, etc. These are all myths, which sometimes are real butcome about through the manner of living and not through the addiction itself. Out of all professions doctors have the highest rate of opiate addiction... self-prescriibed. These are facts not just hearsay.

Addiction is physical addiction. Yes we talk of psycological addiction too, but forget that because when we're talking about REAL addiction we're referring to the physical addiction and most drugs are NOT phsyically addictive, i.e they do not change you metabolism to where you cannot function without them. If you're psychologically addicted you can still function without the drug... like working but always thinking of a cigarette. But with physical addiction you cannot stop for a day, carry on as usual and grit your teeth, because you'll be on the floor convulsing and shit dribbling out your arse. Only a few very privileged people can get away with going into work like that!

Physical addiction is nothing to do with the same high. You can get physically addicted and never get high at all. If i secretly put tiny amounts of heroin in your coffee, every coffee, every day, after two months when I stiopped you'd be bedridden and would actually book yourself into hospital if you didn't know the cause. So physical addiction is nothing to do with chasing a high, it's about putting enough of a certain drug in your body frequently enough. If you do that you'll get a physical habit... EVERYONE. It's biology, no one would not pick up a habit.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Doctors and lawyers will be taking more heroin than street users becausethey have the money to pay for more and really satisfy their habits. They don't steal because they have money. Maybe reflect a little before asking some questions. Do you think people steal and then just throw the goods or money away? That heroin turns you into a kleptomaniac with no reason? Addicts ONLY steal for money, and with that money they can buy heroin. cancer patients don't suddenly all go around stealing, do they? Have you ever seen that? There is an objective to the theft it'snot done because heroin gives people some weird compulsion to take what's not theirs. Stealing is a major hassle and risk and the last thing an addict would do would be to risk their freedom (which mùeans god awful sickness for two weeks) if they didn't have to. An addict with money is as honest or dishonest as anyone else.

Ok, i think i may have answered in one sitting... though I feel i've repeated a lot of what is already in the post. Hope it'sbeen of some help... thoughts and wishes Shane. X

Arlo said...

Thanks for the prompt answer, Shane. Very interesting insights, and I appreciate the way you've tried to explain it.

I did understand that a heroin addict wouldn't actually steal their grandmother's eyes out, and that they only steal when they need money to fund their addiction. I think most people understand that that's the reason. It's just that, as you pointed out, most people have that view of every heroin addict alive, whereas it's only the case for the ones who can't afford their addiction.

One thing I'm still not clear on: I know you've said that the physical addiction isn't about chasing a high. But it's chasing that high that eventually gets people to the level of being physically addicted, right? So let's say one of the doctors/lawyers/etc. you mentioned has the money to finance their addiction, and they continually have to buy more and more heroin in order to reach that high. What is it that eventually stops them from injecting overwhelming amounts of heroin into their system? Do they eventually reach a point where it flatlines, so that the amount they're shooting is enough to maintain a high? Or is the only limit going to be how much heroin they can afford, so that eventually, they are going to have to go through psychological, but not physical withdrawal symptoms no matter what, since they won't be able to reach that high anymore, but they'll still be shooting enough to satisfy their physical dependency?

Again, I'm sure this question must sound stupid to someone who's had experience with drug use, but I literally know nothing about this subject. I appreciate your insights.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey again arlo, yes it'sjust the case for those who can't afford their habits, but not ALL of them steal. There are some who'll swallow their situation and lay down and be ill. Of course stealing isn"t the only way to get money, is usually a last resort. So many addicts before that point arrives will try to borrow money, get an advance or go and beg... when that falls through and illness is creeping up the and each other means to get money has been exhausted then many will turn to theft, and often it's opportunistic.

Yes, chasing the high can lead to addiction but heroin's not so much about chasing a high (though that's how the media always portrays it). Sure, after years it can get that way, but when you first start the drug is so strong that there's no chasing to be done. You use a small amount and it always has the desired effect. You must also try to understand heroin isn't a 'high as you can imagine. It's not like lacohol or marijuana or speed where you undergo a huge physical effect. Heroin makes you feel 'normal' not 'high'. It's a very subtle drug. People misunderstand that because it's regarded as the 'strongest' drug, but that reputation is based on its addictive qualities and not its effect on the person. The biggest effect it has is making you nod off for moments at a time. It's a very internal effect, an effect which isn't noticeable to people watching but which calms fears, tension, worries, etc. Another myth is that addicts are always trying to chase that fist ever 'high', but it's absolutely not true... not with heroin. The first highs are awful and make you sick, and with heroin the best high can come after 20 years of use. basically, the more worry, stress, pain you have to be relieved of the better high you'll have. Thatcan happen at any moment. It's frequent use of the substance which leads to physical addiction, but that doesn't necessarily mean chasing a high. As I said if you use in many small times a day, you never really get high but will still wind up addicted. Same as you can use just once a day, every day, only two hours feeling anything and 22 hours straight, and you'll wind up physically addicted. The physical addiction is much more in the chemical make-up of the drug and not in the user. If alcohol was so terribly physically addictive one third of our population would be rendered addicts on their present rates of consumption.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

You have to remember that the soon-to-be addict has no notion of addiction before he's addicted. he can only base his ideas on what he already knows: alcohol, weed, cigarettes, etc. So we understand addiction is possible but because all our experiences are psychological addiction and not physical we take it heroin will be the same. It's only when it's too late that we realise the huge difference in their chemical effects on the body. And no matter how many addicts with first hand experience warn you of addiction it never gets through because you cannot quite believe something that is so far from what you've experienced yourself, you think it has to be psychological and just a matter of hard restraint. Then you experience it yourself and you realise that this is a whole new level of need, and that chemicals really do affect and change the body. In that way it gives you a new found respect for all medication, and even stuff like food and air... anything which the body relies upon.

You know, even when i was getting heavily into heroin, around addicts, seeing illness, I still scoffed at it... I couldn't quite accept what they were telling me. I would be lost wondering: But if you need heroin what do you do when you sleep??? If it isn't psychological how comes you can go without it then? If you're addicted to heroin how could a substitute drug, which ISN'T heroin help? That means you're not addicted to heroin? If you were only heroin could help??? All those questions I was pondering while I was even using. On the brink of addiction myself, secondary, up close experience of it, and I still couldn't grasp what "physical addiction" could mean.. could exist. It's an easy phrase to throw about but is a very hard term for someone to understand who hasn't been there. Most drug workers (in rehabs), and even prison warders know that physical addiction is a very real and serious and sometimes fatal thing.


To simplify addiction we'll use the case of a man with unlimited amounts of cash. Yes, he will end up using a lot more heroin to sustain the same addiction as someone who doesn't have unlimited finances, but it eventually levels out to a point where you find a balance between: time between hits and amount of heroin each hit. Yes, in theory it could escalate to using overwhelming amounts, but it never happens like that. This is due to how you use heroin, the cycle of the drug on the system and also the progression of addiction and how it affects your body. It finally arrives that the addict uses just to be straight (well) and not for the other secondary effects that heroin offers (falling asleep). If we lived until we were 500 years old, sure our immunity to the drug would go out the roof, but a twenty year habit isn't enough time, even with unlimited resouces, to get you to that stage.

I'll leave it ehre as I'm way over my word quota and have even forgotten what I've typed!!! Stay well Arlo... All My best Shane, X

Arlo said...

Thanks so much for going through all this trouble to type it out so that I could understand, Shane. I understand a lot more now, and I appreciate it. Best wishes.

Arlo

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

That's OK Arlo... and if you have any further questions you just send them... it's never a problem answering if someone is genuinely interested in it. Take my email:

myheroinhead@gmail.com

And if there's anything else mail or comment. X

Anonymous said...

My question is simple...Will this ever end? My boyfriend has relapsed (yet again). He was on methadone for 5 months but because of a move and the new clinic costing 2x the old one he had to cold turkey off methadone. he used heroin a couple of times "to ease the methadone w/d". Back at it and lying his ass off. Heroin use = positive drug screen = no job. OR.. no heroin = sick = no job. I love this man.I either want to slap the hell out of him or hold him while he cries. This sucks. I feel like it comes down to me leaving OR accepting that this is the way our life is and moving forward. Are there couples out there that are successful in this situation? I just don't know if I can do this, but I can't imagine my life without him. Any advice???

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

hey Anon, thanks for your comment. You'll have to give me a day or so to reply as i've not the time right now to give a response that could be of any use or enlightenment. It's not an easy or one answer question. There are many relationships in your position which work, but there is no easy formula and it really comes down to the two people, and has nothing to do with the strength of the love or anything like that.

Give me a day or two and i'll leave you a more meaningful reply... Shane. X

Anonymous said...

Hey Shane everything you've said really hits home and I can totally relate. I completely agree with the whole concept of you choosing "this life" and embracing your addiction, although many people can't understand that which is understandable being that heroin is both a gift and a curse depending how you look at it, I love it and though I know the consequences can't imagine my life without it; life is much more stress free with this drug. Sometimes I wonder though if I embrace it only because I know there's really no way out even if I wanted to quit.

Anonymous said...

to say dope-sickness is comparable to no other is complete debauchery, being dopesick is a walk in the park compared to say cancer or any other real terminal illness, being dopesick is comparable to a bad flu with insomnia/ anxiety/diarrhea/ sweating/chills/muscle spams and over all irritability at the idea of being alive. Luckily since heroin is a short acting opiod the acute withdrawal phase only lasts up to 10 days. Also one can completely recover from opiod dependence to their original state of being after longterm sobriety. But no matter how you look at it, heroin addiction is purely a selfish act, there is not one bit of compassion involved anything pertaining to the act of using heroin. With an addiction to opiates you will only care about your self and how you are feeling, you could give two shits if a true-friend(if you have any left) came to you in a time of need whilst you are withdrawing and trying to score, you gotta come first over all. If you're not right, then fuck it you couldn't care if anyone else is. Also it will completely strip your emotional foundation and coping mechanisms leaving you a shell of a human being.
And when you do finally clean up you'll see just how far herion has gotten you, to a hedonistic, selfish asshole, to the point where you will forget how it was to live without dope. You will realize all your true friends are up and gone and made something of themselves while you just stuck around in fear of being without. When all the miserable emotions flood in and break your shell, you know theres only one thing that'll make it all go away, just one more hit.

Peace.

-Anon

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Anon, since starting the writings here I've replied to peoples comments and gone through each point they bring up. Youa re the first I will not reply to, and i'll be honest, i've not even read past the first line of selfish crap u've written. I did however remark that while u're accusing others of being selfish you only navigated around the site of things which DIRECTLY affected you: in other words I'm saying, you're as much a selfish cunt as me or anyone else living. And when you try to bring the tears out talking about cancer patients and making some bizarre correlation between them and the addict (and most long term cancer patients are prescribed heroin addicts anyway, so you badly fail on that ignorant score too) well, i've not seen anyone more selfish than people dying who want to live. have you? But that's normal,and is not a criticism. So we're all selfish cunts, but you're just about the biggest and you're indeed so selfish you can't even see it.

Peace out ... XXX

Oh, and try to get some kind of a life, anything, just not lurking like a nazi around virtual worlds and leaving your idiotic and stereotypical shit behind.

MaryM said...

Please tell me there are those who after 1-1/2 yrs choose to detox at home, go to meetings and STOP using... Son has not used in 2 weeks.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey MaryM... I only tell the truth as I know it here, and never peddle false hope.

It's very rare someone will detox successfully at home and stay clean. It can happen though. In fact my mother went clean and stayed clean after the same period of time - although not on a home detox. Whether someone stays clean or not often depends on the REAL reason why they quit. Most junkies initially quit because they've run out of cash. That doesn't bode well for staying clean long term, and 99.9% will return to heroin once they've got a little cash again. Aside from that, it's rare any addict stays clean first time quitting, and home detox, without a substitute to help regulate the body and mind, it's even less unlikely.

But it's unlikely, not impossible. I wouldn't get your hopes up too much after just two weeks. You can still be proud though... two weeks is an achievement in itself (even if it seems a very meager amount of time to you). Most daily users would find it difficult to go one day clean. So on a statistical basis it's unlikely your son ahs finished with heroin (even if he believes he has). But there are always exceptions and maybe your son will be the one.

X

Anonymous said...

Hi' im currently struggling with heroin addiction and can genuinely relate to everything you have said shane. It seems as if no one can understand unless they have been there first hand.
I always struggled with alcohol and cigarettes since age 12 (im 20 yeers young rite now). It caused a lot of struggle and landed me on the streets. It wasnt until i had absolutely NOTHING that i picked up heroin. Been using last 2 yrs, shooting for the last 6 mnths and desperately want to stop
Only because i dont like being tied down and married to this substance not because i have anything "real " to loose, cry about my loneliness daily until i get a hit from my only friend left which is heroin
Sad
but no family or friends is a sad reality also
Can anyone relate?
-twink

Monica said...

Hi Shane.. You have a very touching story, a sad one... But very touching!
I don't do any drugs but I did go out with a (recovering ) heroin addict afew years ago.. Recovering, so I thought! He was still on methadone... Awful to see someone you care about so much turn into something totally different! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!
It must be hard to depend so heavily on a substance and try to function a normal as possible life!
He said he never used to inject it, just smoke so I assumed it wouldn't be as bad? Apparently not huh!
please keep safe... Xxxx

Anonymous said...

I've been clean for almost seven years. I'm currently tapering off methadone. I'm on 32mgs at present. My highest dose was 180mgs. I was doing a minimum of $150USD daily when I quit using. I used to embrace the life of a heroin user. Now I just detest it. Life is so much better for me sober. Notice I say for me. Everyone is different.

I found that treating my depression, getting counseling, ending a toxic relationship, and becoming a mother all helped me get to where I am today. I still live a life on the fringes due to having a non traditional job but life is good. I have money saved. I'm also setting aside money for my son's education. I'm in a healthy relationship. Was I a junkie or a stable addict? Probably a bit of both. I never stole or committed crimes to fund my habit. I worked. I was never homeless. Ive always been thin. I have a few scars from injecting but my body is not ruined. I'm facing an expensive mouth restoration next year but I have my teeth anx expensive partials. Looking at me you would never know my past.
J fr Seattle

Anonymous said...

After watching a loved one waste 15 years of his, my and my families life. Here's a fact about heroin: It kills you and your family. Living and feeling hopeless isnt living. Better days now. I enjoy hearing about heroin dealers that get hooked on their own supply though, ironic. I know

Anonymous said...

Hey there :-) , I'm not an addict or a user ( heroin, or crack), but I have friends that are, ( I'm an accepting person and enjoys meeting different people :-) ). Some people think "you have friends that are addicts, so you must be at risk of starting", and considering I have had a very hard life ( major abuse, unemployment, mental health issues etc), this also puts me at risk. The truth is after seeing my dope sick friends, there struggle to get there gear, and being chased by a crack addict friend with a knife, it kind of put me off lol ( don't want that to be me ). I also have major agoraphobia ( going on 10 years), I only leave the house 6 - 7 times a year ( so quite serious), I am prescribed a benzo ( which I can take twice a week, 2 times a day), but I only take them once every couple of months, as I heard how addictive they are. My friends wonder how I can be so controlled with my intake of benzos, and have hundreds stock piled up ( and not tempted to pop them all the time), considering how bad my agoraphobia is. Why can I have willpower not to start heroin or crack,and hardly take any benzos to reduce my pain, but other people can't ? ( even though I have had access to herion, and a hard quite a painful life). Also unlike what others have said, I have never been of the frame of mind that it could never happen to me ( addiction, dope sickness etc), its a weird concept to me that people think there going to be different from other addicts ( i.e not get dope sick on withdrawal, like some type of superhuman or exception to the rule). I hope this make scene as English is my 2nd language.

Ryan said...

Spot on about pretty much everything! To the one above ho made the disjointed comparison of w/ds to cancer - consider that many people come to addiction (or at minimum, dependence) via things like cancer. In my case, spinal injuries, surgeries, spinal abscesses from pot surgical infections, and the implanted hardware damaging nerves was how i came to be dependent on opioids. (Morphine, which is what heroin metabolizes into once in the brain, anyway; and dilaudid, hydromorphone - because heroin (diacetylmorphine) isn't prescribed in the US. It was only when i lost insurance, and the prescriptions that i was dependent on, and was in horrible pain and withdrawal without, that IV use occurred to me. Morphine is 4x stronger by IV, roughly. So, at first, it meant that I could make 1 month's rx last 3-4 months, and that way afford it. It didn't occur to me at the time, when getting out of the pain that made me unable to walk was all consuming, that changing the route of administration would change how it works, not just the strength. Once I got insurance back, it was very hard to go back to taking it by mouth. It takes time to start working, orally. A half hour in pain seems a lot longer than a half hour. Taking it by IV, instant relief.

I can't speak to how addiction and dependence works when it happens to someone without pain, or for those who use recreationally, the way it begins must be different. But in the end, the dependence is the same. The body stops making endorphins, as it doesn't need them (the medication/drug is providing something filling that need) and at the same time, it makes many many more receptors for them, to accomodate the external supply. There are vast changes in the brain that physically happen, and take long times to reverse.

Anonymous said...

I got hooked on crack about 20 years ago. I wound up in jail because of the stealing to support the habit. It took about a month to get really addicted. But it's not a lifetime addiction. I never used it again. It's been 20 years and I have a Sam Adams next to me. You can come back from rock bottom and you can beat an addiction. Just like when you quit smoking. You don't tell someone you're a recovering smoker do you?

Anonymous said...

I'm an Australian heroin user since the beginning of this year. It's been five months of bi-weekly use, more or less. I'm single, smoke like a chimney and feel like the biggest loser. I turn 28 in June. Heroin, ironically, motivates me to change things. I do have a job working from home a phone sex operator and am setting up as an artist. I suppose I feel guilt at never being able to hold down a regular job. Using heroin has helped me cope with past traumas due to my being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19. If I can sustain the use at bi weekly I feel I can go on using for a while. But I am scared of addiction. Reading the mythbusting about physical addiction and how much use is required to achieve this was an interesting point of view. Good article. Let's get married.

Anonymous said...

hello,i am a 25 year heroine user,im from portugal,i never had to roubed because i always had money to my day,i always had girlfriends with no problems or use of heroine,all my relationships have been using and all them with the same persons for long years by my side,now i am 12 years with the same girl,she is fisiotherapist and iam no job,she dont never try drugs in life,i always take ir since 14,i have a beautifoul family that support me for good and bad days,i have my friends without that problems and iam the onlyone o takes heroine,i am a normal person with a expensive days and life....heroine is a option of life,FREE HEROINE,STOP THE CRIMES FOR DRUGS,STOP FAKE HEROINES WHO KILLS MORE THAN PURE HEROINE,WHY HAVE THE GOVERNAMENT POWER TO SAY WHAT IO CAN DO,I DONT DRINK SO CAN I SAY "IS FORBIDDEN TO DRINK ALCOHOL SINCE TODAY,IT KILLS TOO...FREE HEROINE AND STOP HEROINE USERS TO GO TO JAIL,LIKE THEY DO IN U.S.A.....-GOOD LIFES TO YOU ALL..

Anonymous said...

What's up Shane my names I'm 17yrs old now and live In USA I have been addicted to herion for 3 years now and have the same story as you grew up into drugs and one of my older brothers gotten addicted to Oxys when I was 12 and I only smoked weed drinked and did extacy a couple times I hated how my brother acted and would alway be ashamed of him and get mad but always helped him and tried to get him to just drop the habbit and I always told my self I would never do opiates at 14 I was expelled from two schools and was still smoking weed and doing pills and my brother started shooting herion and at the time our relationship was shit during the summer I decided to try it and it was the best feeling from a drug I ever tried in my life and right then and there my eyes opened about the drug it's self before I thought it was a crazy drug and it was so dangerous and not able to handle urself like everyone else ignorant to it and now saw how harmless the high is and able to function after that I kept smoking for a year and stopped a few months for out patient treatment to get into school and after started using again and that's when it got bad and started to get the weak withdrawals u get and progressed I ended up working over the summer and ended up selling herion because of my drug selling past and ended up getting worse but still never stole shit from my family like my brother and ended up using a lot it's crazy hearing all the prices from people around the world around here u get a gram and a half of pure for 85 dollars and I get 6 grams for 350 to sell everyday to keep my habit and this year I have started shooting because smoking wasn't gettin me high fast enough and it's something I swore I would never do and saw that wasn't as bad as I thought and now I'm here at 17 shooting herion and selling to get my fix which is THE BEST DAMN WAY TO DO IT. Because either way if u want to make money good but if ur the person to not and just want the fix u just put up money as an investment and boom u have herion for the whole day and that money is going in a circle and coming back to pay for the next up ! Anyway I never understood my brother when he was sick and didn't get it just thought it was all an act but now I see how bad it is people dont get how bad it is and are so ignorant to it ! I don't choose this life an dont want it at all but am forced by physical dependence to keep it going so I don't feel the pain of being tired and wanting to die ! I know u are totally not trying to glorify it and ppl will look at your post and assume it but I totally get that you're only trying to make it understanding to the people who don't know and maybe going through it with family your info is spot on and ppl need to listen if u want to help a herion addict all a person can do is give their help not judge not beat them down and say they're worthless or be mad at them this make them want to use more and will lead to use you have to give them love and help a person who uses will not get clean unless they choose to for themselfs and for a reason anything else in a likely relapse ! People on this always deserve a second chance and deserve the help and thanks Shane I loved the post it was awesome I have so much in commen with your life have a good day!

Anonymous said...

IM in the same boat as you with your partners addiction,IM married to a h addict for five yrs two of them years he was clean things were great on and off marriage meaning when it gets bad I leave to live with friends fr a bit and end up going back we love each other and can't live without each other I've been learning to accept this but sometimes I just want to run away far far away his addiction daily use 100a day gets out of.control.sucks everything away from me money, sex etc and quality time cause he's a zombie at times but like I said I live him but I know I deserve alot better,only time will tell to where enough is enough,today we live in a sober house till we get a apt fr the fifth time in four years crazy shit this life but learning to see it's a desease his disease and I can't nag him to stop till he's ready I could help him and encourage but he needs to stop.good luck with your man and be patient but don't wait to live life neither cause life if to ducking short to be with someone that nods and sleeps most of time but plenty of alone time fr us too :-)

Anonymous said...

Very accurate! You obviously know what yu are talking about and I think people need these myths debunking.I was a heroin addict in the 70s, although I transferred my addiction to something called palfium which was much more easily obtainable but very short duration. I was lucky/unlucky enough to begin my heroin use with 98% pure Thai heroin. I had never felt anything so wonderful when I snorted it. Then when I took my first injection it even beat the best orgasm. Life was also completely worry-free while high. That is very short-lived. On Palfium my life gradually reduced to injecting every 30 mins. over 40 shots a day and at its worse nigh on 100. I never slept or washed. I just sat, preparing my shot, shooting up and nodding off with the TV on in the background. I only got up out of necessity...to eat, go to the toilet, to score. Very little else. Rarely washed or changed my clothes. I was not on the street and I come from a nice, middle-class Jewish household. While cocaine addiction is devastating heroin (and similar) is a whole different ball-game with its additional obstacle to sobriety....the very harrowing withdrawal symptoms. i eventually cleaned up and never used opiates again until a few years ago chronic, nagging pain got me prescribed codeine. Of course, i became physically addicted and grew a tolerance rendering its analgesia non=operational. Tried several cold-turkeys but kept going back. I've more or less maintained a dose, have never taken a stronger opiate and live a completely normal family life, The only effect of the codeine is it prevents withdrawal. It;s a nuisance and I still want to quit but it is hard even though I don't get high on it or stoned in the least. I have also had Hepatitis C for 40 years which has given me a cirrhotic liver. If anyone is thinking of trying heroin, please be cautious. If you know you are easily drawn into repetitive behavior if something is pleasurable then you are highly likely to want to repeat your heroin experience...especially if you smoke or inject it. I lived for the rush of injection....like a rat clicking a lever for a cocaine rush. Two weeks of keeping yourself topped up and you will be habituated enough to have, admittedly very mild, though naggingly irritating withdrawal symptoms and that coupled with missing the rush and high is very likely to have you go out and score. Things will only go downhill!

Anonymous said...

I turn 19 in august and I have been using herion since the age of 17. I came across your blog 'shane' as I was searching for ways to gain weight as I use heroin daily and find it very very hard to put on the pounds!
I found your blog to be truthful, but there are bits of it that I find vary depending on the amount you use, such as washing. Also depending on what money I have, I usually smoke up to eight (sometimes more) bags a day. But eight bags costs me £80.
But I just wanted to say, I have been using herion now for near 2years and the impact it has had on my life in that short period of time is unbelievable! I am stuck in a rut of smoking to feel normal, I mean I don't smoke to get high anymore I smoke because if I don't, I'll hardly be able to move!
Its about 6am and I haven't slept a wink because I have no money to score in the morning so I am worried sick about rattling. I fucking hate it!!
But anyway,I just want to say. I hate being addicted to herion, it was a process that I didn't even know was happening, until I had none. And then I realised that my body couldn't function properly without it.
I am depressed, my life seems to have the same routine day in day out and I would give anything in the world right now, to be able to beat this addiction!!

tracy said...

your truthfulness is admirable,i also like your dark humour,but i feel for you terribly trapped in this never ending cycle of choice,i have no answers and wouldnt offer any, and i certainly would never judge,i just wish you well x

Anonymous said...

i live in australia and heroin is expensive here no greater then any other drug compared to meth or cocaine. heroin can get expensive i use 200 dollars a day and some days i use up to 450 dollars a day but 450 dollars will get you about a gram. so i say i could use up to 1000 dollars a day but that i cant afford!

Anonymous said...

My 21 yr old daughter has been using heroin for 3 years. She has been in rehab 4 times and in jail twice. She has stole money or things from every relative of ours. She has been to the ER twice for overdosing. She was clean for the last 3 months because she had to drug test twice a week to stay out of jail. I just found out she is using again. I dont know what to do anymore..I dont know what to say....

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey Anon (21yr old daughter)...

It's hard, I know, and the sad truth is there isn't anything you can do. Nothing is your fault... there's no single reason someone turns to heroin. X

Anonymous said...

Myth- Heroin users only hurt themselves. How bout you ask your wife, children, friends, etc how they feel everytime you come down off the shit, lying, manipulating, quite OBVIOUSLY living in some delusional world, and raging violently taking your shit out on those around you, without explanation, and then shooting up and then pretending none of it happened and things are fine...forcing those that care about you to deal with your addiction, YOUR problem.. show me a doper thats conscientious, kind, considerate, thoughtful of others, quiet, minds his own business (not the same as selfish detachment from the world) cares about peoples feelings as much as they care for their dopers health and wellbeing.

ask the people that care about you how they feel living with a ghost, a vampire, a shadow?

dont justify HEROIN by pointing out addictions in others. dopers love to talk about glass houses, when they can never see themselves in the mirror. HEROIN in particular is a soul stealing, emotion repressing, -like why dont you willingly open yourself up to be possessed by the negative energies in these worlds, or be raped by demons and the absolute most desperate and enslaving entities? (symbolically speaking) DOPE is a narcissistic CHOICE.

why is sex even mentioned along with dope? it should be "lack thereof". What doper appreciates their lives enough to fully enjoy sex? heroin has NOTHING to do with the sacred act of creation, of bonding. If you have any form of what you think is sex, i am thoroughly amazed that anyone can place themselves in a situation that takes trust, solely for ulterior purposes.

it boils down to survival of the fittest, i suppose. i truly believe in choice. heroin is the stupidest substance (including coke, hard liquor and general ignorance) - i guess we need delineations in humanity, we have survivors, and we have escapers.

btw- no offense, thanks for letting me rant- hope you see the light one day.
peace

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Anon, i've only read the first two lines of your commentand immediately tagged you as a sad arse bitter piece of shit.

Seems you've had a bad experience, lol.... and now can't distinguish between subjective and objective reality. You bitter fuck... grow up. I'd rather be a smack head than a fool anyday.... at least the chance is mine... you was born as you are and can't change a thing.

Get a life you fuckwit. X

Art said...

I am wondering about the nature of addiction and based on my own experiences I do not buy your explanation which is centered on withdrawal sickness.

I have been taking various substances for decades without ever becoming addicted. Not that I never form a habit or a physiological dependency.
From time to time I do. But whenever the substance starts interfering with my life, giving it up (at least temporarily) is an objious and easy choice.

With heroin after several months of daily use it stops being pleasurable. At some point you start waking up sick every morning. You no longer take it
to feel good but rather to stop the pain. Loss of motivation and bad sleep habits make it difficult to hold a job, and without a good job sustaining
this habit is a daily challenge. For most it must be a miserable life which is probably why you say most junkies want to quit but can't.

The question is why can't they?

You seem to say it is the pain of withdrawal and I find this hard to believe.
I know what withdrawals feel like. It is a painful but short sickness that really does not require a heroic effort to endure.
Besides I am sure that from time to time every junkie is forced to abstain due to circumstances for several days or perhaps even full week or more.
Therefore I don't see how withdrawal pain can be the reason.

Another possibility is that heroin makes them feel so good that it is worth the heavy price - that to them miserable life on heroin is rationally
preferable to a regular life without it. That's what I would like to believe. The problem is that as I have already explained after a while heroin
no longer makes you feel good.

Hence the puzzle.

Thoughts???

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Art, I don't know what bollocks you've read or how your mind has interpreted the words your eyes have seen but I've never said or hinted that addiction is centered on withdrawal symptoms.

Also, if you come here, amongst real long term addicts, don't come with the bullshit that you've ever experienced addiction to this drug... your words and ideas betray you and that'd be obvious to any heroin addict reading the crap you'e written. You are trying to talk about heroin addiction based on your recreational experiences with various other substances.... and no other drug has anything in common with hroin dependency. You're like the arsehole who drinks and then thinks he can relate every other addiction to that of alcohol... that the substances a&re different but the pulls and strains on the body are still the same. You may not realize how naive your comment is, but it's very very clear you have never experienced the ills of heroin withdrawal. You're a fraud and your words betray your extremely limited experience. Take the lesson: don't open your mouth when you don't know or have no experience off what you're talking about. And sure, you'll now be on the defensive, goping out your mind to try and somehow prove you have experience with heroin, but your words are too damning and I'm sure you are so naive you will not even understand what gives you away. I won't tell you... but I'll tell you it is obvious throughout the entirety of your comment.

You also seem to think you can judge how heroin makes evry addict feel based on how you claim (lie) it made you feel. Do you realize how narrowminded that is? Projecting your own experiences onto every other addicted and believing it as an absolute truth. I suggest you go away and forget the nonsense you've asked here today as you've done nothing but show yourself up as a complete and utter arsewipe.

There's my thoughts. There is no puzzle... at least not the puzzle you imagine. Read very carefully what you've written... you keep slipping into the third person and talking not of what you've experienced but of what you claim other addicts may experience. Your idea that heroin somehow makes people feel fantastic isq also false and again shows you've rarely (if at all) touched this drug. You're repeating things you've heard or read about... repeating commonly held myths which most junkies would never entertain as anywhere near the truth. That you seem to believe them says you've not the personal experience to know better. I cannot answer your naive questions... and just the idea on which they're based, that I've somewhere said the pain of withdrawal is responsible for continued addiction is absolute nonsense your side. Read with your eyes open in future, and maybe keep your words for things you know at least a little of.

With no respect for you at all, Shane. X

Anonymous said...

Dear HH,

I came across your blog while looking for answers that aren't ever there. Your poetic yet straight-forward articulation on this confounding drug drew me in and kept me reading. I am not an addict, but everyone has some form of addiction in one way or another. For instance, I must shower twice a day or life feels sideways. Call it whatever. But I am a mother of a young addict. We live in an affluent community. The profile of a heroin addict is rapidly changing. Heroin is used now by entitled urbanites and getting younger and younger as the drug is cheaper than weed. Here in Southern California anyway. It caused him to drop out of his first year in college. We didn't know what was happening until the police called. Fast-forward 3 years, and he's now 20 and in his 3rd rehab. I don't know if he's done with the drug scene yet. He certainly is tired of having nothing to his name, and having the police on his tail. Heroin took his friends, his school, his value system. Heroin destroyed for a time our family.

This is what prompted me to write. Don't be so hard on the writers who are angry about the addict. It is not a problem confined to only the addict. Where there is love, there is pain. It makes me violently ill to see my son on dope. There are many functional addicts, but the ones who aren't, the drug takes everything. From a happy, fresh-faced, very smart kid to a dirty, 110 lbs, sickly guy with blackened fingers, mindlessly swaying to some inner music in his head. And then he pours out his heart because the drug takes the anxiety away. But come the light of day, he is sullen, angry, and blames the world for his plight. Wants a job, can't get one. Yes, he's still smart, and articulate on dope, but he can't get out of his dreamworld to make life happen. It is unbelievably painful to watch, and we watched and suffered and loved him still. Not always without anger.

I hope this time he can make the leap to freedom. And I thought about your point on using as a choice. What if there's no stigma, no illegality, no monetary barrier to using heroin? If you can chip and still have a normal life, then I say, that's not so bad. But most can't. And for those with ruined lives, the hurt expands to others who love them. And it is a dreadful pain to bear. And we, who don't use, do not have the solace of this soul-stealing magic.

Peace be with you, dear Shane. No judgment here. Only good wishes for the rest of your life. And thank you for the blog.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey anon... So as I can reply with thé respect your comment deserves you'll have to bear with me a day or two. YOU can subscribe to thé comments for the post and you should receive my reply to your email.

All my best, Shane. X

Anonymous said...

I like how you put an x after your name. I became friends with an addict a little less than a year ago, x and o seemed to come to mind after texting or journaling about or to him. I think of him being x and myself o, but I'm sure it can go both ways. Anyway, I like all the blogs, though you to me seem to be the brightest star, though just my opinion for the moment. I've had experience with H, and visited this site to review my experience. it's been very helpful as I now have special interests to H addiction. I am not using currently but of course have interests, though my experience seemed to cover allot of what I've read and I may be content with what I already know. I harshly and pleasently enjoyed my on and off experience for the seemingly long time it lasted (6 Months), and it is listed up there in dramatic times. I cant speak much for my friend, but I think that I got a pretty accurate bittersweet taste. Part of me would like to join the club for keeps (better or worse) but
that depends on destiny. All I know is that after my experience I will always have a special interest that relates to H, obviously a passionate thing to many. As I say, "it just is". I never thought I'd be lucky or cursed enough to get the chance at this experience, my fiend you see,,, he's an x, not quite like you, but enough to have taught me some things I wanted to learn. Your memoires. Thank you for your thoughtfully emotionally awesome human findings and proceedings. with care.
love, Joe. o

Anonymous said...

My son is a heroin addict of 10 years. 45 minutes ago he jumped out of a moving car after violent behavior upon the people taking him to a new hospital (he was kicked out of one today for being violent and screaming for heroin). there is the normal person and then there is the monster. Don't believe these myths/truths

User2014 said...

Hi,
How are you doing dude?

anon05 said...

hi shane,
its me again nobody shall wish death upon you.
i wish the best for you,hope you are doing well..i will bookmark and check this,and hope you check this.

Shane Levene said...

Who the hell is 'me'? Please don't let it be Jesus this far into my descent! X

Anonymous said...

god bless its anon again
i did bookmark you,man.

ELIZABETH ROSAS said...

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Anonymous said...

Hallo Shane, read this looking for info on heroin addiction. Good friend in trouble with addiction - to the point of sexual favours to score. Strangely this act itself does not bother me in itself - it is the total lack of boundaries that i find most concerning. From houseproud mum to miserable old hag in under a year. Belongings gone - either pawned or stolen by her ratfaced "friends".
When i see her, she talks the same stuff from years ago, over & over, regurgitating incidents that really dont matter now - to reinforce her need to "use".
The other day i answered one of her repetitive rhetorical questions "why is my life so shit?" with a simple "because you are injecting shit into yourself".
And incurred such wrath, that i am now wondering if/why i care.
How dare i criticise The Drug. How could i possibly know how she feels or why she does it? I try to understand. But with an addiction to H, there is no attempt on her part to even try to understand my feelings, as i watch her destroy herself & turn from her present passive/aggressive norm into someone really quite nasty.
On the outside looking in, a horrible situation. And a horrible, horrible drug.
Take care, Harry.

Memoirs of a Heroinhead said...

Hey Harry, even though I dispel myths here I also tell the truth and the picture you paint I have seen myself and freely admit heroin addiction can easily descend into such a state. It's very difficult, I know, looking in I mean. In fact it's probably more frustrating for you watching that with a logical head and without her problems than it is for her. You must ask yourself though: what has gone wrong with a person to have them descend so low and rather continue doing it than face their life? Because that's the real problem, and it's a hint that maybe there is some very dark and terrible trauma below. You know as well, often manically repeating oneself is a way never to have to think and face TODAY... it's a way to keep focussed on yesterday so as you remain blind to here you are just now. It's not an intentional behaviour either, and i'm quite sure she's even unaware she does it.

I think no drug is 'horrible'. A drug is just an inanimate powder or liquid from some plant or other and is neither good or evil. It doesn't get into the body on its own accord but is administered. So we must avoid putting the blame on the drug: addicts do that. They curse the drug as if it's the drugs fault, but that is just a way to escape blame for our own actions. In a way, when you damn the drug you are defending your friend and allowing her to believe more this is something out of her control. Also heroin is a very useful drug, not horrible at all.... just ask a terminally ill cancer patient being drip fed it in hospital or a soldier with his leg off from a mine explosion. It's a very strong and useful painkiller.

Te thing is Harry, and I know it'll be difficult to accept, there's just nothing you or anyone can do to help an addict. No matter how much love or care there is. There's no point arguing;... no point being logical.... no point trying to convince someone to get clean.... no point getting frustrated or angry, even. only thing you can do, as a friend, is just be there (even at a distance if you have been robbed/abused by this person or cannot lend money, etc) and the day she comes to you herself and says she's getting clean, and it's totally her decision and she's serious, to support her then. Any support outside of that moment will be a waste of your time anyhow. Yes, theres a chance she'll be dead before she ever gets herself together enough to want to get clean, but even if that happens her addiction is so far out of your control that you'd never have changed that outcome no matter what help you'd have given her.

Harry, your saving grace must be in knowing that even though you are helpless to do anything you honestly would if you could and your desire for her well-being and that she gets better and heals is a sincere and honest one , and that outside of anything else you remained a friend and was loyal to yourself in only wanting her to be well. .And if the worst should ever happen you will have that and know your love was sincere and will not have to go through any guilt complex such a tragedy may try to push your way.

All My Thoughts and Wishes, Shane. X

Anonymous said...

Thanks Shane, good advice - step back. You are right, there is nothing I can say or do, in fact the more I see (& then have an opinion on), the more she will rebel anyway ! So, yes, detached with love it will be, at least until the next drama.
I take your point about H not being the problem; my anger should actually be directed towards the low level street grade stuff she is injecting - however many hands this passes through before she gets it, i do not know, each time adding some extra shit - in fact the worst times are when she has spent all her money & never got high ! Man, that makes for some tedious listening ! I kind of agree that a purer drug wouldnt cause as many problems, goodness knows how much brick dust she been getting through !
Thanks again Shane & all the very best, Harry.

Anonymous said...


Hi Shane,
I've read your blog and there are few things I wanna point out. My partner is a heroin addict, he's been in and out of prison since he was 16 yrs old. I've met him just after he was released from prison. Okay, yes, heroin addicts are not violent at all like what others perceived, even if he doesn't get the fix. For hygiene thingy, he actually showers more than thrice a day because he said that it's really making him sweat. He brushes his teeth every after he smokes heroin. He doesn't want to inject because he is afraid to contract diseases, so not all heroin addicts are mental... they still think about what will become of their bodies and health it's just that they are dependent on the drug. I am not tolerating him since he can not find a decent job, but for me it is his choice to quit the habit of his. It is no use if I force him to quit. I am not tolerant about his drug habit but I know someday he will try to quit again... for the nth time... and be successful... well, i just to point out that NOT ALL HEROIN ADDICTS are bad people as most of non users perceived.

Anonymous said...


Hi Shane,
I've read your blog and there are few things I wanna point out. My partner is a heroin addict, he's been in and out of prison since he was 16 yrs old and now he is 41 yrs old can you imagine how long he's been using? I've met him just after he was released from prison his latest. Okay, yes, heroin addicts are not violent at all like what others perceived, even if he doesn't get the fix. For hygiene thingy, he actually showers more than thrice a day because he said that it's really making him sweat. He brushes his teeth every after he smokes heroin. He doesn't want to inject because he is afraid to contract diseases, so not all heroin addicts are mental... they still think about what will become of their bodies and health it's just that they are dependent on the drug. I am not tolerating him since he can not find a decent job, but for me it is his choice to quit the habit of his. It is no use if I force him to quit. I am not tolerant about his drug habit but I know someday he will try to quit again... for the nth time... and be successful... well, i just to point out that NOT ALL HEROIN ADDICTS are bad people as most of non users perceived. Just to add more, he doesn't have the typical addict look you see in the movies, he is actually fit, very fit. He doesn't steal just to get his fix, but he will find a way to get money by selling the stuffs to other addicts, which is really scary for me and our child. From where we were, If he get caught selling, his sentence will be death penalty. I know that drugs is stealing his life away, but still I got no choice I couldn't just leave him alone he will get deeper into drugs. Addicts needs our support and not our judgement and I think the society should know that.

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Anonymous said...

"Shovelling bricks or waiting tables or cleaning toilets 9 hours a day is also a waste of life."

I clean toilets. I wait tables. My life is not wasted. I make others more comfortable and well fed. It pleases me to know the world is better because I make it better. On purpose. From choice.

You are not a good man to choose to steal your grandmothers eyeballs. Even if you give them back later. Nobody believes that.

My daughter had her morphine stolen after surgery by morphine addict nurse. This is devil. Not human. Devil. Deliver us from evil. And heroin addicted. Same.






Shane Levene said...

Anon.... you're obviously severely mentally retarded. That's about as polite about it as I can be. I hope your faith serves you well through the tragedy of your life. X

stacey lee said...

I have been in great bondage for almost 2 years suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time gilr friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stooped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that now he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Dr.Trust i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the third day they both had a quarrel and he beat his girlfriend up and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl all appreciation goes to Dr.Trustfor you are a Great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife you can as well email him on (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) or you can call him +2348156885231.

Anonymous said...

My beautiful 29 year son who is the apple of my eye is lost and ruined through not just heroin but every substance he can lay his hands on, I have loved and supported him every day of his life and continue to stick with him even now because I cherish every moment I spend with him in case it is my last, I know I can't make him stop, but I pray and pray every day for a change in his heart that will make him find peace.....it's hard watching your loved ones slip away but I accept that sometimes the pain inside is just too much ......big love and many genuine blessings to you all today who struggle and long for peace ��

john smith said...


Thank you Dr Ativie you are the best spell caster that i have ever seen in my life the spell you casted for me have work very perfectly my ex gorlfriend who live me for over 3week now is back and apologizing for me to come back to him that she is very sorry for the pain she cost me and i am so happy. Doctor your spell is nice and make me fill alive again i will keep sharing you good work all over the world about the good spell you cast for me to get Annabella back and i will also give your email address to everybody who is in need of help like you told me that you can cast a spell to bring ex back, Money spell, Protection spell, lotto spell, Good job spell, pregnant spell, Love spell, and many other spell you told me you can cast for me if i need them i hope you will find a place to help other so they can give testimonies like me Doctor Ativie please help others many people are having problem try to get help from people but they is nobody like you to help them solve there problem like you do Dr Ativie if anyone need the help of this nice man contact him via this email ativiehealingspellhome@gmail.com best regards to Dr your child Frank Silver from usa

john smith said...




I AM BELA i want to give thanks and i will always give thanks to DR.utimate who brought back my love that has left me for 6years within 48hours, i have said about this last week but i promised to always tell people about this every week end so that those that did not read about it last week will read about it this week, i have been looking for how to get this boy back to my life because i love this boy with the whole of my heart, i could not replace him with any body,one day i was watching my television when i saw a lady giving thanks to DR.utimate and telling the world how he helped her i was so shocked i could not believe it because i never taught that there are powers that can bring back lost love, then that was how i decided to contact him too because i do really need my love back,when i contacted him i told him everything and he told me not to worry that my love will surely be back to my arms within 48hours at first i could not believe because i was thinking how could somebody that has gone for 6years come back within 48 hours,so then i decided to watch and see,unbelievable within the next 48hours i got a call from unknown number so i decided to pick the call the next thing i could hear was my loves voice he was pleading and begging me on the phone that i should forgive him that i should forget all that have happened that he did not know what came over him,he promised not to leave for any reason, that he was really sorry for what he did,i was so surprised because i never believed that this could happen,so that was how i accepted his apology and the next morning he came to my house and still pleading for me to forgive him i told him that everything is okay that i have forgiven him, that was how we started again and now we are married, i promised to say this testimony in radio station, commenting this testimony is still okay but before this month runs out i promise to say this in radio station and i will,sir thank you very much.World please am begging you people to try and thank this man for me,or if you need his help here is his email address:utimatespellhome@gmail.com

melisa said...

I thought it was the best for me until I realize that I was destroying myself and my future I took it as if it was some thing that is part of me. i was enjoying it that was what I thought little did I know that I was killing myself. Drug that is the general name for it but it has it brand depending on the one which suit you, i have been taken it for the past 7 years and I thought I was in control of it until I started behaving unusual. I was refer to rehab center after some while I found out that I was not getting better so I have to look for solution else where. That was how I was introduced to Dr Alaska when I meant with him I told him all my problems and he just advice me that all was going to be well I thought it was a joke. After treating me and telling what to do I was fine I could feel it both in my body and in my heart. What I thought was impossible became possible that is why I have took some time out today to say thank you to him for all his help. He is a simple man you can reach him on dralaskajohn@gmail.com or you can call him +2348169591194

Leo Jennifer said...


My name is Jennifer and i want to testify of the good work done by a faithful DR PALOMA, a spell caster. in my life i never thought there is such thing as spiritual intercession. my problem started 5 months back when the father of my kids started putting up some strange behavior, i never knew he was having an affair outside our matrimonial home. it dawn on me on that faithful day 4th of April 21st 4:23pm when he came to the house to pick his things that was when i knew that situation has gotten out of hand and he then told me he was quitting the marriage which i have built for over 6 years, i was confused and dumbfounded i called on family and friends but to no avail. two months after i started having problem with my kids welfare rent-age and all of it, i really went through ***. until a day i was browsing on the internet and i happen to meet DR PALOMA Email palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com i never believed on this but i needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it but you know a problem shared is half solved after a 2das my husband called me telling me that he his coming back home and that was all. now we are living happily and i still do contact him on this email: palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com

Laura said...

Hey Shane,

Very interesting and true article you wrote.. really enjoyed it.. but really confused about the logging on 10 times bit can you explain that bit to me =)

Thanks,
Laura

Anonymous said...

Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name shannon i live in United State,and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring husband,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he did not love me anymore So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(drakugbespellhome@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {drakugbespellhome@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Ukaka for bringing back my husband,and brought great joy to my family once again.(drakugbespellhome@gmail.com}, Thank you once again dr ukaka for your help, you can contact him for your own help

Anonymous said...

Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name shannon i live in United State,and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring husband,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he did not love me anymore So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(drakugbespellhome@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {drakugbespellhome@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Ukaka for bringing back my husband,and brought great joy to my family once again.(drakugbespellhome@gmail.com}, Thank you once again dr ukaka for your help, you can contact him for your own help

Claudia said...

Dear Shane,

I've spent the last two days reading your blog. It is amazing! And I think you are an amazing person!

I would like to share my view with you and your readers. Please let me know if you think I am not right.

I think that there are some things people don't understand about addiction in general.

First, by the time you become addicted your brain changes, you become somebody else. You become somebody that in order to function properly you need something more than you needed before.

Everything feels so physical because it is biologically hardwired in your brain. Telling somebody to give up is like telling somebody to hold their breath after they ran out of oxygen. Everything in your body struggles to survive.

That particular substance is seen by your new brain as indispensable for surviving, and in a way it actually is.

Second, the importance of reward for all social human beings plays a really big role in the psychological addiction and relapse.

In order to even considering going back to your old you, you need to be able to find reward somewhere else, which, in my opinion, I think is the biggest challenge.

Take care,
Claudia.o

Tracy Adams said...

MY TESTIMONY ON HOW MY HUSBAND CAME BACK TO ME AGAIN,
My husband broke up with me 5 months ago, and forced me to sign the divorce papers, and i was completely heartbroken. And I could not get back into any shape emotionally. because my heart and hope was completely lost. Because i love him so much I could not think, eat, sleep, or walk without the ache in my heart. And the thoughts in my head were all about him and the pains that i went through while seeing him with another woman taught me lessons. I so wish that I could have changed the clock back and never to have experienced the pains he made me went through. I Thank God for this astonishing and brilliant NATURAL LOVE spell caster that came to my rescue. Wow! This spell caster has helped me so much. DR. OGBODU guaranteed me an urgent 24 hours NATURAL LOVE spell casting, of which i accepted it. Shockingly! this month on the 4TH OF AUGUST 2014, my husband called me back with lots of apologies after 24 hours which DR. OGBODU assured me, and he did everything possible to withdraw the divorce papers which was previously ongoing with the power of this miracle working spell caster. My husband and i have been living contentedly since this spell caster reunited us together with his love spells. Thank you so so so much Dr. OGBODO for your powerful spells. expressions are not sufficient to say thank you. here is his email address and PHONE NUMBER: Email: (ogboduspellhome@gmail.com) or +2347050485554...contact him today and get your problems solved once and for all.

St Mary loan house said...

My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; ojemiritemple@gmail.com, for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr okoye, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: Ojemiritemple@gmail.com.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back, and ifyou wish to see your future. he has powers to do it, he has done mine

Anonymous said...

Shane,

I am on day 17 of Heroin detox... Alongside my partner... We got into it because we are (like every other New Yorker) stressed out recreational party favor users... It is unfortunately SO common that I have even had drug discussions with my BOSS... One of his friends brought H a year ago to our home and although I BEGGED that we NOT even try it (because I had hear it was So addictive) he still did and I went along... Snorting that is.... It was the MOTHERLOAD! We drank no booze to unwind after out 12hr typical work day, we passed out like babies AND we were cuddly and more emotionally connected than EVER in 4yrs.... AND we woke up at 7am w no hangover.... THE ONLY ISSUE I HAVE W YOUR BLOG is that I disagree it takes weeks to create a dependency.... I strongly believe it took us THREE days... We stupidly did NO research on it and did it three days in a row (again because it seemed to be the HEALTHIEST of the drugs/alcohol we had ever done to unwind) and on day four we started feeling the pain and HOLY FUCK?! WHAT DID WE DO!!!! Now had we stopped right then and there we would have probably just had bad aches foe a few days and that's all but we kept doing it to cure the pain and cause we wanted to sleep and be cuddly (what a fucking dumb idea! Sex was completely unsuccessful on top!)
I do NOT want to come across as a righteous, judgmental or obnoxious person.... I am in the clear from opiates... but my partner isn't and the toll has been TERRIBLE and even though we only snorted it as you know very well (although YES HEROIN IS A TOTALLY DIFF DRUG AND ANYONE WHO DARES TRYING TO RELATE IS FULL OF IT) the actual drug is not the issue once you pass the physical withdrawal side effects/pain, it's the ROOT of the issue.... What are we trying to mask? Running away from? My POINT is I would HATE for some experimental FOOL to read this blog and think he can run off to try Heroin in ANY form and that he will be able to control it and end up where we all have... I consider BOTH of us STRONG people! Both successful, highly educated, strong family backgrounds, both fit and blessed w great looks and could have ANYONE we wanted (sorry if I around arrogant but trying to make a point)We live a SEVEN figure life and live in probably the BEST building in one of the best hoods in Manhattan.... We HAVE/HAD it ALL!!!! AND MY POINT IS - Heroin TOOK OVER OUR LIVES.... I am a beautiful woman and I have not left my flat in months or put a nice dress on or a pair of heels; not to mention my SEXY HANDSOME bf hasn't as much as french kissed me in over a month.... HEROIN IS NO JOKE!!! It kills you from the inside out... I am sorry if I went overboard but I felt VERY strongly that your point about how long it takes to get addicted could mislead some CURIOUS moron and RUIN heir life so thought it was worth mentioning and even am begging you to perhaps edit it because it truly does sound like something that would give a curious mind reassurance to TRY it and you and I both know how that ends.... Otherwise I appreciate your writing and again please I mean no disrespect just PURE and honest concern for those out there that still have a chance to NOT get into this HELLISH DARK PIT! Love & Light and blessings and strength to you ALL!!! THERE IS A LIFE WORTH LIVING AND YOU CAN COME OUT THE OTHER END SUCCESSFUL! AND WE ARE ALL WORTHY OF A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY LIFE!!!!

NYC GAL said...

Just something I wrote

Just took 3/4 bag of heroin and 30mg Oxy about 60 sec ago. Amazing the power this stuff has over our body and mind. In a diff person already. Unbelievable. To think it is all derived from something God put on this earth NATURALLY. It's mother natures course of maintaining us in balance. Something or someone had to be powerful enough to kill man. Every plant and animal has its predator and the only predator he created that could take over man was man himself but then man created the law and there was no longer the ability for us to naturally maintain an organic balance. Aren't we overpopulated? That HAS to be a major design flaw.... Unless the plan all along was that man would discover these hidden little tests that he left for us. To temp and see if we were weak and flawed enough to not learn to make the right choice from he beginning OR maybe it was part of his master plan. He was expecting us to find these tiny little harmless looking beings that he too created to coexist with and amongst us and he knew that we would be curious enough to try them and that either our uncontrollable carnal desires and lack of moral control or our hunger for power and our constant arrogant need for owning our own creative entitlements would drive us to test these little innocent appearing wonderful neighbor pleasuring plants and turn them into something so small yet so powerfully toxic that it would destroy man himself. We are so hungry for power that we push and push, we prey on each others desires and insecurities and we KILL our own kind. Isn't that the biggest joke of all times? We are his biggest accomplishment or his biggest shameful failure. A being so strong yet so weak that we search through the farthest most imaginable regions of the earth to find the smallest most innocent looking cohabitants only to engorge our egos and to feed our carnal pleasures. To fill our mental and spiritual voids and deficiencies and to ultimately destroy our own kind making us in essence the smartest and biggest carnivore of all of his creatures.

Anonymous said...

I never tried heroin thank God. I am certain I would have become addicted very rapidly. That is my personality type. Unfortunately I'm afraid someone in my life is doing it. He has become very desperate for money, his looks have changed dramatically (bloated) He may have been doing this for a while, but his funds ran out. He stole a large amount of money from me. It is very sad, and I haven't a clue what to do.

Anonymous said...

who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is Michael i live in Chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, DR Okundonor, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of Dr Okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: dr.okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you. i wish you all the best.

Contact:( dr.okundonorgreatspell@gmail.com), or call he with this phone number, +2348137828640