Dear Aunt Agony... Boyfriend Won't Forgive me for Two Lines of Coke!

----------
Dear Aunt Agony...

Random.......I'm hoping you can help me with something urgent because nobody seems to understand and after reading your blog I figured maybe you could help....I have a situation with my boyfriend who was about to propose to me. He found out that I tried cocaine twice and now is willing to end our relationship and I don't know what's left to say?...his really touchy like that and truly thinks I lost all my dignity and self respect, mind you I tried this two years ago. What the hell can I tell this guy to make him "forgive" me!?

Im sorry this is random, but your a guy. You should know what to say/do......being your from london too..my boyfriends from there as well.

- Jennifer from Austriala

----------
Aunt Agony says:


Hiya Jennifer,

Thanks for mailing I'm a bit rushed here so will get down to it.

For the business with the cocaine and your almost fiancés reaction towards it, well it sounds a tad extreme to me!

Is your boyfriend also a jealous type? I've a feeling he is, and that there is something else bugging him about your little dalliance in the snow. I suspect he has heard all these silly stories of coke turning people into nymphomaniacs and is possessed with jealousy imaging you getting fucked left right and centre by the entire town. I may be wrong, but I don't think so. The cocaine is just his means to have something concrete to focus his jealousy upon and justify the chances of his worst fears being true. I would also hazard a guess that he has no experience of the substance and so bases his thoughts on what it does from the weekend tales of his work colleagues.

How does he know you tried cocaine twice?

With someone that hung up about it I think the best thing to do is lie and try to convince him that it isn't true. In a way that's what he's pressing for anyway. Maybe say something like you was trying to act 'cool' and wanted to impress him. Something like that.

If he keeps up his whingeing and threats not to marry you, fuck him off, telling him that he'd never have been able to satisfy you anyway... not after fucking for England coked out your mind, and taking three Irishmen and a chimpanzee in the park! That'll freak him out.

All My best Aunt Agony X.